Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket, which he offers to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick him in his ass."


******************


The $10 Bill

Sitting by the window in her convent, Sister Eulalia opened a letter from home and found a ten dollar bill inside.

As she read the letter she caught sight of a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against a lamppost below. Quickly she wrote, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia" on a piece of paper, wrapped the ten dollar bill in it and dropped it out the window.

The stranger picked it up and, with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.

The next day Sister Eulalia was told that a man was at the door, insisting on seeing her. She went down and found the stranger from teh night before waiting. Without a word he handed her a roll of bills.

"What's this?" she asked.

"That's the 60 bucks you have coming. Don't Despair won by a nose in the fifth and paid five to one.".

**************

The Preacher's Last Wish

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled. The preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker asked, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."


Have a great weekend everyone.  Be happy and enjoy,

Chris

[BigJohn]

The preacher said, "Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front by the altar."



With that, Leroy got in line, and when it was his turn, the Preacher asked, "Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you?"



Leroy replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."


 



The  preacher put one finger of one hand in Leroy's  ear, placed his other hand on top of Leroy's  head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed.


 



He prayed a "blue streak" for Leroy, and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
 

 
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Leroy, how is your hearing now?"
 
   
 
Leroy  answered, "I don't know.  It ain't 'til next week."   

[Mojo]

Big John:

Great one........:)

Can you do me a favor and do Mojo's Tuesday pick me up next week please ?

I am going to be out of town starting tomorrow and wont be back till next Wednesday. I wont have an internet connection so wont be able to do it myself.

Thanks,

Chris

[BigJohn]

I'll do my best, but most of my friends send me stuff that might not be acceptable for this board so I'll have to do a little searching!

I dug down and I'm prepared!

                                                           Big John

[sofadoc]

After toiling away in the minors, you've finally been "called up". Good luck Big John!

[kodydog]

Don't wanna make you nervous Big John but you have some mighty big shoes to fill.  Good Luck!

[Mike8560]

Is it the rv seminar mojo?