Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

Three Canadians and three Americans are traveling by
train to a hockey game. At the station, the three Americans
each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy
only a single ticket.

"How are the three people going to travel on only one
ticket?", asks an American.

"Watch and you'll see," says a Canadian.

They all board the train. The Americans take their respective
seats but all three Canadians cram into a bathroom and
close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor
comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the bathroom
door and says, "Ticket Please." The door opens a crack,
a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The Conductor
takes it and moves on. The Americans see this and agree
it was quite a clever idea.

So after the game they decide to copy the Canadians
on the return trip and save some money. When they get
to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return
trip. To their astonishment the Canadians don't buy
a ticket at all.

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks
one perplexed American.

"Watch and you'll see", replies a Canadian.

When they board the train the three Americans cram into
a bathroom and the three Canadians cram into another
bathroom nearby.

Once the train leaves the station, one of the Canadians
leaves and walks over to the other bathroom where the
Americans are hiding, knocks on the door and says, "Ticket
Please".

********************

A man was sitting at home with his wife. He says 'I love you'.
She asked 'Is that the beer talking?'.
He replied 'No, it's me. Talking to the beer'.

********************

A police officer stops an upholsterer for speeding and asks him very nicely if he could see his license.
He replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'


Have a great weekend everyone.  ;D

Chris

[Grebo]

 :D  You as well..  :D

[BigJohn]

Thank You Chris
   Big John

[Mike8560]

Ticket please  :)

[sofadoc]

I don't wanna' steal Mojo's bit, but I heard this one on the radio today:

An old man goes to the doctor and brags "I'm 86, and I'm married to a 20 year old who is pregnant with MY baby!"
The doctor thinks for a moment, and says "I know a man your age who recently went hunting. In his haste, he grabbed his cane instead of his gun.
Out in the woods, he spotted a magnificent Beaver. When he realized that he only had a cane, he aimed it at the Beaver and said "Bang-Bang". Two shots rang out, and the Beaver dropped dead in his tracks. How do you suppose this happened?"
The old man said "Well, logic would say that someone else pumped a couple of rounds into the Beaver".
The doctor said "My point, exactly".

[bobbin]

I knew you guys would make me laugh.  I wish I were able to remember a joke to share, but after I crack up the joke vanishes from my mind, not unlike a fart in a breeze...

[BigJohn]

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?
Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background,
one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch , and margaritas into urine.

Life is good, live it.

[BigJohn]

I guess I should have saved that for: "Mojo's Tuesday Pick-Me-Up"

[Mojo]

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired?
Well..I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background,
one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch , and margaritas into urine.

Life is good, live it.

Reminds me of a couple weeks ago when I asked my buddy what he has been up to this week. Steve is a retired airline pilot for Delta BTW. His response was:

" I have been doing the same thing I did the week before and the week before that. Matter of fact its the same thing I do everyday since retirement - Drinking scotch and watching porn on the internet ". :)

The funny thing is I know he was being honest. If you have ever flown on a Delta 767 you have a good chance Steve was at the controls. :) Comforting huh ?

For some reason alot of my close buddies are airline pilots and Oh Boy have they told me some good stories of life on the road. :)

Chris

[gene]

Chris,

A few years ago I flew Delta into Hawaii. The flight attendant let us all know that the pilot was retiring and this was his last flight.

I know for a fact that he banked that plane farther than FAA allowance when he came in to land on Oahu. It was awesome!

Thanks for the chuckles.

gene