Life is what happens while you're making plans

[sofadoc]

Seems like everyone has an old high school buddy that went on to be tremendously successful. One of my best friends from high school opened a small car stereo business back in the late 70's. Within a few years, he owned a furniture/appliance chain. And in recent years he expanded to several stores in 3 different cities. He promoted concerts, and had many other lucrative ventures.
I haven't talked to him in 20 years, but I heard that Wednesday, while the state comptroller was closing him down, and seizing his assets, he drove down the road a few miles, and pulled off to the side, and put a bullet through his head. He left behind a family that worshiped and adored him.
Most of us in the upholstery business make what can only be described as an "honest living" at best. Some of us do better than others, but I suspect that few of us feel financially secure.
Me and him used to flip burgers at a Dairy Queen after school every day.
I can't help but think "If I had to start flipping burgers again tomorrow, would that be so terrible?"
Maybe that's easy for ME to say, since I don't have as far to fall.

[bobbin]

My two best friends from HS have committed suicide, Sofa..  Nothing has rocked my world the way those two deaths have; I naively believed I had pretty much figured out this thing called, "life" until the first one died... and I really struggled with reconciling it.  The second one knocked me to my knees, too.  But, now I take a more pragmatic view of his choice.  It really makes you think long and hard about what it all "means", doesn't it?   Sometimes when they cross my mind in the course of the day I get weepy, other times I smile at a memory, but mostly I just wonder how it can be that I'm still here and clunkin' along happily. 

I don't think working at a place like Jo Ann Fabrics would be all that bad.  Boring? probably, but any job is what you choose to make of it.   I know that when I get home I will be welcomed by my family and I've come to understand that no matter how hard you try to plan it all, life carries no guarantees.  It's basically a crap shoot and you take your best shot. 

[Gregg @ Keystone Sewing]

Sofadoc,

It's always hard to look back and wonder "What if?" in a situation like that.

Some have the outlook that work is what I do, not who I am.  He must have felt stronger ties than that, and sure had a lot invested in his business, emotionally.  Not right or wrong, but defiantly a different way of looking at things.  It's sad to think what he must have been feeling after his business went down for sure, and, in hindsight, the support around him at that time.  But, sometimes, people make themselves out of reach of others, and it's not easy to see until it's too late. 

Anyway, I'm again rambling, and I'm sorry for your loss. 

[Darren Henry]

Darrell was more than my best friend,he was more like a brother. He was always upbeat and if he wasn't smiling it was because he was too busy laughing. He was 18 when he hung himself.I was at the annual men's mess dinner for my reserve unit when he phoned and told my sister that I had a new car. I had loaned him some money to buy a camero and had said to pay me back by Christmas or I'd start driving my half of "our car" so I thought he was just saying that he couldn't pay me on time. it was Dec.18th . I was more than half tanked when I got home but I phoned him and wound up talking to a cop who wouldn't tell me bubkiss. We got " the call" in the morning.The "what if" plagued me for years. What if I had been at Mom and Dad's and talked to him instead of Sheila? What if I had stayed in my dorm room over Christmas that year and been just across town?What if-----


My intent was to give the car to his father to help settle his estate,but the engine blew 1/2 way through the 90 mile drive back home. I hope old chevies go the same place he went. I'll drive the heck out of my half when I get there.

[Mojo]

I am no stranger to depression or suicidal thoughts. The chemo drug they use on me causes severe depression and has driven many who use it to suicide. They start me on anti depressants a month before the chemo starts in order to ward off any depression and it does an amazing job. I had one run on chemo without anti depressants and hit bottom and could have easily loaded up my 9mm and said goodbye. Thankfully I pulled myself out of it with a great deal of help from my wife who watched me heading downhill.

I guess I am a bit different then others because I get upset and pissed over suicides. I have been battling this disease for 11 years and fighting my guts out to stay alive. It is extremely hard to see someone who is healthy just up and call it quits and take their life. It just seems like such a waste to me.

I would flip burgers, sweep gutters or do any type of job if it meant I could live longer. No one can have an immense appreciation for life until they have faced death. Mnay simply do not realize what a precious gift life truly is.

I guess this hits a nerve with me since I just started another round of chemo this morning. There is no cure for my disease just ongoing treatments. But I will gladly accept anything in order to stay on this side of the grass. I try not to bitch or complain as there are hoards of people out there in much worse shape then I am.

I am trying to get through the worst of the side effects before the busy season hits down here. I probably shouldn't be doing this work at all but it makes me feel so apart of life and makes me feel useful and alive. So I stitch and don't bitch.  :)

I am sorry to hear of your loss. Just wanted to give you all a different perspective of all this.

Chris

[sofadoc]

Mojo: Sorry to hear that you're about to have another rough go-round. I would like to think that I would have the same attitude, but I hope I never find out. 
Reading some posts over on the business side about "becomming king of the hill" remind me of my old buddy. He had become so successful, that just getting up in the morning and seeing the sunshine was no longer enough for him to want to go on living. All the material trappings of life meant more to him than life itself.
I don't know, maybe he took his own life before the auditors found something that would've landed him in jail.
The group that posts here seem much more grounded. Some days, just sewing a good seam is enough to keep us going.
I would caution anyone who thinks that they WANT to be "King of the hill" to consider everything that goes with it.

[Mike8560]

Sorry about your old friend sofadoc.
I head you Darren on The what if's.
a couple  years back I wondered what if I haddent gotten
my new reg. For my boat q d stopes lunch and waged way too long and was polite waiting for my bill (about 20 minutes) a d then went to the marina to putthe sticker on, oy to retur. Home to find my dad had fell I. The pool on his scooter.

[fragged8]

some sad news guys, Try not to waste time on 'what if' thoughts
they are a waste of time,
Best to turn what if's into thoughts of the good times together.

All of my best pals are dead and they all died far too young and too tragically 
i find the best way to deal with it is to have a little chuckle to yourself now and then thinking about
the good times.

I too wish i had half your will power Mojo I admire that.

Rich

[NDAV8R]

Sorry to hear about your loss. Ya, I have been there. 

Bottom line:

  Suicide is a PERMANENT solution for a TEMPORARY problem.

[gene]

The grass always "looks" greener on the other side. Sometimes, though, it turns out to be astroturf.

How tuff life must be when the best next step is suicide?

The older we get the more folks die around us.

I loved the comedian George Burns. He's 97 years old being interviewed on a TV show. They are taking questions from the audience. A woman, very sarcastically, asked him "What does your doctor say about you smoking all those cigars?" George Burns takes a big puff on his cigar, and then says, "My doctor is dead."

The glass is half empty, and it is half full. We get to choose which half we want to focus on.

gene

[ragtacker]

Chris,
Go easy on those who feel that they have nothing to live for.   Having been suicidal, I know how easy it becomes to just stop fighting and  end it all.  There are as many reasons as there are suicides, and not all can be prevented.   I am very glad that you have found the cause of your suicidal thoughts, and that you have an active support system in your wife and doctors.  Not everyone is so lucky.
Jan

[Mojo]

I do not mean to chastise people who commit suicide. I have nearly been there at that point myself.

But the gift of life is so immense that from my vantage point it just seems like a big waste.

I apologize if it sounded like I was going after those who have committed suicide. That surely was not my intent.

You are correct, I have a loving wife and children along with some of the most awesome friend a man could ask for who have worked to keep me fighting and to stay alive through determination. Support from those around you is a vital part to fighting any disease and I am truly grateful.

Chris

[sofadoc]

I guess that some reasons to consider suicide are better than others.
I had a teenage cousin who had got so many speeding tickets, his mom said that if he got one more, she was going to take his keys away from him. If that happened, his girlfriend would start riding to school with another boy. So, when he got another ticket, he killed himself.
When I learned of my friend's suicide the other day, I began looking up some other old high school buddies to tell them about it. Turns out, several of them aren't doing so well either. Divorce, bankruptcy, illness, alcoholism, family estrangement. One of my other best friends hasn't talked to his own kids in years. I have 2 grown daughters who live less than a mile away. I couldn't imagine going a day without seeing them.
It made me realize just how blessed I've been. I've really had very little adversity in my 52 years on the planet. I wish the same for everyone on this board.

[BigJohn]

   I had several paragraphs written on depression and I erased them, In short my wife suffers from depression. My wife is lucky after many years of less than perfect care with the aid of a very caring neurologist she became the patient of a doctor at a regional medical center in a city about an hour away, although not cured she is doing well. Many other people in our area and around the country aren't as lucky as a nationwide shortage of Psychiatrists exists, in our area 21 Psychiatrists serve 325,000 patients. No relief is insight as nationwide only 900 residency slots exist for new psychiatrists yearly and most of those new psychiatrists migrate to large cities leaving patients in less densely populated cities and rural areas to fen for themselves. I know of no doctors in this area taking new patients! Not only the patients without doctors are affected but also many people are being under served (not seeing a doctor as often as required to properly treat their illness). WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM PEOPLE!

     * Many of the above quoted facts came from our local Gannet newspaper.

                                                         Big John