Only in America

[sofadoc]

"I am a proud black man!" said the black man.

"I am a proud Mexican woman!" said the Mexican woman.

"I am a proud Asian man!" said the Asian man.

"I am a proud gay man!" said the gay man.

"I am a proud transgender!" said the transgender.

"I am a proud native American!" said the native American.

"I am a proud white man!" said the racist.

[SteveA]

 Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes,?why?are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will ever open from the first end you try?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart, then apologizes for doing so; why do we say, "It's all right"? Well, it isn't all right so why don't we say, "That really hurt you dumb sh*t, why don't you watch where you're going?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

[Darren Henry]

You could change that title to "only in NORTH America". We've got the same BS up here. everybody has to have a hyphen. I'm French-Canadian, etc... and are therefore entitled to more than the non-hyphened who
pay the taxes that pay for their special programs and services.

[kodydog]

I wanted to say something but between the two of you I think you said it all.

[gene]

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

SteveA

Any other upholsterers want to admit to using bubble bath?

If people evolved from apes,?why?are there still apes?

SteveA

If by "ape" you mean Hominoidea, then no, man did not evolve from apes. There was a transitional form from which all primates evolved. This would include apes and man. So, in a sense, apes would be more like our cousins, and not like our great great grandpas. Here's a neat web site on the evolutionary tree of life that you can play with on your laptop or IPhone while soaking in a bubble bath. http://www.onezoom.org/

gene

[SteveA]

Gene
My quotes ?    rather copy and paste of internet posting to keep the thread going.  Most seemed funny but not meant to cause analytic overload !  You've been forgiving of my genius in the past  !   Breathing too many lacquer fumes in the shop causes me to overlook posting prep - 
SA

[SteveA]

~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect!

~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!

~You forget names.... But it's OK because some people forgot they even knew you!!!

~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything like golf.

~The things you used to care to do, you aren't as interested in anymore, but you really do care that you aren't as interested.

~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV 'ON' than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep".

~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch..

~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ???

~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!

~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

~Everybody whispers.

~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.



~~~But Old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all,OLD FRIENDS!!

[gene]

My quotes ?    rather copy and paste of internet posting

My misunderstanding, SteveA. Those are the kinds of thoughts I have while working in my studio amidst clouds of fabric dust, foam glue spray, and the occasional vanilla smelling lacquer finish. It looked like you were having the same kinds of thoughts, only writing them down and then sharing them with us. Admitting to taking bubble baths did seem a bit TMI for this forum.  :-[

to keep the thread going.

I think we are all would agree that SofaD's threads need some help to keep going.  :)

posting prep

That's an interesting idea. I had someone once suggest that I think before I speak. I'm not sure what the benefit of that would be so I've never really tried it.  ;D

SofaD: We elected a man for president, twice, who, for 20 years, took his wife and two daughters to a church in Chicago that teaches from the pulpit hatred for white America. What else should we expect from the PC crowd?

gene

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

SteveA

Any other upholsterers want to admit to using bubble bath?

If people evolved from apes,?why?are there still apes?

SteveA

If by "ape" you mean Hominoidea, then no, man did not evolve from apes. There was a transitional form from which all primates evolved. This would include apes and man. So, in a sense, apes would be more like our cousins, and not like our great great grandpas. Here's a neat web site on the evolutionary tree of life that you can play with on your laptop or IPhone while soaking in a bubble bath. http://www.onezoom.org/

gene

Gene:

We don't have a tub anymore so I cannot use bubble bath :sigh: -- I do want to put a real bathroom in Sew & Sew and will call it my changing room and it will have the coolest tub -- already have that picked out.  Now just have to be able to afford it so I keep raising my prices.

As far as the ape thing goes, we watched a three-part series this summer that was just fascinating.  Did you know that all creatures have the same basic arm structure (not fish) but birds, animals, humans?  And all eggs start the same as a bird egg.  You could put a series of fertilized eggs side by side and if they were at the same stage of development (early), you could not tell what the egg was going to develop into.  

I'll ask hubby what the three titles were and repost.  It was a fascinating series to watch and if you can find it on reruns, it is will worth the watch!

Virginia  

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

The series is called My Inner ...

Bob thinks it was My Inner Monkey (Ape); My Inner Fish (Egg); My Inner Bird (Arm structure I was referencing).

Host was an archiologist whowe believe is the Department Head of the University of Chicago.  Bob said that is actually a very influential position which you might not think that UofC is.  I don't know anything about that.  Any Illini around?

Virginia

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

SofaD: We elected a man for president, twice, who, for 20 years, took his wife and two daughters to a church in Chicago that teaches from the pulpit hatred for white America. What else should we expect from the PC crowd?

gene

I am not a fan of our current President.  I did vote for him both times because IMHO he was hands above his opponent.  Not what I wanted for President but the lesser of two evils is what I am trying to say. 

I once heard President Obama say that he was not aware of all of the Pastor's beliefs.  I know that people are incredulous about that because of the time frame that we are talking about (20+ years).  For the record, I was raised Episcopalian.  The Priest who got me out of several serious jams when I was more than a little bit of a rebellious teenager and who walked on water in my estimation was later discovered to have been embezzling church funds.  Serious amounts of $$$.  Our Church had multiple extremely wealthy elderly woman and he would work them over (not in the gangster sense but would talk to them about giving to the Church).  He was very personable and in all cases, these elderly woman gave huge sums.  A large sum of that money was put in his pocket.  It also came to be known (after the fact) that despite his sermons about fidelity, being true to the one you committed to for life, etc; that his marriage was a one-sided open marriage.  He had had multiple affairs that he worked very hard at to keep them quiet.  Town population was about 35,000 at the time.  He had been our Priest for about 15 years when the **** hit the fan.  The entire town was in shock as he was well liked, directed Little Theatre productions, was on the committee that selected the town's Junior Miss and many, many other things.  So what I am saying is that he lived this double life.  I don't know how the embezzlement came to life.  I was living in KS by then.  My very elderly father gave me sketchy details.  My older brother verified it and said that he had heard of it on Paul Harvey's show.  Once the embezzlement investigation was made public, the mistresses came out of the woodwork like roaches in a tenement housing development.  So, I am not saying that President Obama did NOT know about the racist remarks, I'm just saying that due to our Church's experience, I find it more than plausible that it could have very well happened as President Obama has said. 

Having said all that, I will say that I hope that the 2016 actually gives us two candidates that are worthy of the Office of President of the United States of America.  Honestly, the only reason I vote half the time is because I want to be able to b*tch about the POTUS and if you don't care enough to vote than you don't have a right to complain.

Virginia

[sofadoc]

If Obama's preacher needs fodder for a sermon, he should've accompanied me on a pick-up yesterday.

I have been hired by the owner of a local business to recover their sofas. They open at 11:00 AM, but the manager and several employees get there at 9 AM to begin prepping for the day.

As these things ALWAYS seem to go, the manager had absolutely NO IDEA that I was coming. And that manager (who just happens to be white) has never met me, or my helper (who just happens to be black).

I was taking a call on my cell phone as I was backing the truck up to the big sliding glass door. So I told my helper to go tap on the glass, and get them to unlock the door.

When I finally got off the phone several minutes later, I noticed that my helper had failed in his attempt to gain the attention of the manager inside. He said that the manager had obviously noticed him, but continued to ignore him.

So I (who just happen to be white) went up to the door and tapped on the glass. The manager ran immediately at breakneck speed over to the door and unlocked it for me, and began apologizing for making me wait.

My helper and me have noticed this phenomenon numerous times. Sometimes, I'm not sure whether to back my truck to the front, or back door of a residence, so my helper (who happens to be black) will ring the doorbell of a customer (who happens to be white). Quite often, his repeated ringing of the doorbell is in vain. Then when I go up to the door......presto!

Same problem with dogs. Pooches that want to "rip him a new one" will lick me in the face.

Guess I need to walk a mile in his shoes.

[SteveA]

I didn't vote for President O'Bama - and the only reason was because I didn't believe he had enough experience.  The idea of Health care - his signature legislation - was a good idea, but not carried out correctly.  Pre-existing conditions, caps, low income, should not be reasons that citizens can't get health care.  I think O'Bama tried hard but failed to enact a good program.  I don't know about the worst of two evils but I do think that we probably missed endorsing other good candidates. 
There are racist people in the world but I don't feel there is racism to the degree some push for.    Are there others  from another place - have a different look or religion... not mainstream and call attention to how their judged ?   It comes down too - we're all different - we just need to be stronger individually - don't let anyone's opinion of you stop you from your goals,  and we need to stop picking on each other and take bubble baths together -
SA

[Darren Henry]

There are racist people in the world but I don't feel there is racism to the degree some push for

In my experience around here, for what it is worth, the true racists are the "victims". "they gave the job to that white guy with the degree and 10 years experience 'cause they're racist---I've got my grade eight and I was pretty much sober at the interview,UUUGGGH". Same mentality for every lack of having something  life didn't placed in their mail box for them.

Any other upholsterers want to admit to using bubble bath?

On a lighter note; Does wading through one to serve wine and escargot to a naked chick constitute "using a bubble bath"?  I'm just asking for a friend.HONEST.

[gene]

Does wading through one to serve wine and escargot to a naked chick constitute "using a bubble bath"?  I'm just asking for a friend.

Do Canadians use the word "chick" to mean a young woman, as we Americans do? I certainly hope so. Otherwise, here's another "Oh those crazy Canucks!"   :)


SofaD: Is that manager a racist or just being smart? Our mainstream news media gives us 24/7 of Rodney King, Trayvon Martin, Ferguson, etc., etc., etc. AND, the appearance that the 'black community' supports these thugs and criminals as heroes.

Race bating obviously sells advertising.

A black manager would have been even less likely to have responded to your assistant.

gene