Friday Funnys, or is it Friday's Funnys , or Friday is Funny???

[gene]

I made a pillow cover, technically a pillow sham. 28" x 28". The customer wanted the zipper across the middle of the back panel. I did this.

I sewed the 1/2" welt cord to the front panel.

The back panel with the zipper across the middle of it is a very stretchy, crumply type of fabric. The front panel fabric is a stiffer fabric.

When I went to sew the two panels together, which should have taken 15 minutes because I had to pin everything, it actually took 1 1/2 hours.
Why you ask? Because I put a zipper at the bottom of the two panels.
Why you ask? Because I just love to screw up and loose any profit whatsoever on soooooo many of my jobs.

Of course I couldn't leave two zippers in the thing. I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm glad I don't wear cowboy boots!

[kodydog]

SUNDAY FUNNY. (Will I go to hell for telling a dirty joke on Sunday?)


All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and its generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for V-i-a-g-r-a.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Phizer Corp announced today that  will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and V-i-a-g-r-a today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

If you don't send this to five old friends right away there will be five fewer people laughing in the world
                                 
                                 
                                 

             

         

[gene]

Impotence: Nature's way of saying "no hard feelings".

Everyone in hell has already heard all the dirty jokes, so they are certainly hoping you don't get sent down there. Who wants to spend eternity saying "Yes, kodydog, we've heard that one before."

Christopher Hitchens died last year. For those of you who may not know, he was a writer for Vanity Fair. He was also one of the most popular atheists of our time.

Two jokes about his death.

1. On his death bed, to everyone's surprise, he asked for a death bed conversion. Family and friends immediately brought in a priest. And just before he died, Chris converted the priest to atheism.

2. On his death bed, Chris was asked if he would renounce Satan. He said, "I think it's a bit too late to start making enemies now."

gene

[sofadoc]

The medical profession decided against using the Russian word for Syphilis (Rochurkokov).

The German word for virgin?  Gewdantite.

See you in Hell, Kody and Gene.

[gene]

For those who own a dog(s), or, for those who are owned by a dog(s), and especially for those of us who have a lab and like Sting.

http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz228/genejoe/0_n.jpg




gene

[gene]

This guy has a son just like my son.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GEu08QgY8PI


gene

[gene]

Something new:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdgNYpS46Ks


Something old:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=870TqORDZSs

On this second video, at 4:40 and 5:03 I was on the floor laughing. Obviously I am not a PETA person.

At 6:50 is a great Toyota commercial.


gene

[gene]

We've had a little rain here, but nothing too serious.

I got a great deal on a sewing machine. Can anyone tell me what size needle this takes?


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gene

[gene]

I took my mom for a ride in the country on Mother's Day. What, if anything, did you do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLlE8RLzm2A

gene

[gene]

If I don't have enough money to retire to my dream home on the Gulf of Mexico, (it has a 3 stop elevator, gorgeous
sunsets from any gulf side room, and a price tag just a bit out of reach at this moment), then I will spend my days sitting on a park bench with my pet pelican.

gene

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[gene]

It's nice to know Ted still has a sense of humor. I always thought being locked in a concrete room 23 hours every day without exception was a slow form of pre frontal lobotomy. But maybe Teddy has found a way to beat the slow "drip, drip, drip," of sensory deprivation. I wonder if he's angry at his brother who turned him in and has since been making a living giving talks about Ted?


BOSTON (AP) -- Harvard University alumni attending their 50th class reunion this week are getting updates on classmates, but one person stands out among those sharing news about career moves, retirements and grandkids -- Unabomber Ted Kaczynski.

Kaczynski graduated in 1962 and is locked up in the federal Supermax prison in Colorado for killing three people and injuring 23 during a nationwide bombing spree between 1978 and 1995. In an alumni directory, he lists his occupation as "prisoner" and says his awards are "Eight life sentences, issued by the United States District Court for the Eastern District of California, 1998."


gene

[gene]

Please fill in the blank below:


Why! Why dear God? Why did you __________?



"http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz228/genejoe/1.jpg";

[sofadoc]

Why did you let the upholsterer staple my tail to the bottom of this sofa?

[kodydog]

Why did I not read the caution sign!

[gene]

"http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz228/genejoe/m2.jpg";




gene