The Unveiling - Yikes

[JuneC]

Hey Chris, first off, I'm running Firefox on Windows 7 on a 15" laptop - it may or may not make a difference.

Formatting:

-  I don't have the menu issues others are seeing.

-  On your home page, the horizontal line at the bottom of the text segments the last paragraph in bold.  The first 2 lines of that paragraph are above the line and the last line is below it.  

-  Your Home page and your Awning/Topper page have the company name in a different size font than the other pages.  

- "About Us" page - is that a different font?  or just smaller?

-  Miscellaneous Products has the title "Our Products" just like the Our Products page.  Was that intentional?

- The horizontal line under each page title moves about from page to page.  I like it like it shows on the "Our Products" page - even with the line on the left menu - but that's just me.

Text:

-  On the Home page, first line... "With the large amount of slide topper and awning thread failures, " I think should be "With the large number of slide topper and awning thread failures, "  "Amount" typically refers to quantity while "number" refers to count.  See

  http://www.writing.com/main/books/entry_id/318060

-  Same paragraph... "available to the coach owners in the USA." I think the word "the" before "coach" is extraneous, but then again that's just me.  I'd just use "available to coach owners in the USA".  

 "About Us" page - "Based on the requests from customers" again, I'd do just "Based on requests from customers".   I certainly wouldn't say it's wrong, probably just a style difference.  

-  "Misc. Products" page - "While offering additional protection to the borders."  - sentence fragment.

-  The "Wearforce Ladder Buddy" picture seems a bit high for the space allotted - maybe a Firefox thing.  It overlays the horizontal line above it.  

-  The "Wearforce Mirror Covers" paragraph -  "Our mirror covers are unique and the only one of its kind on the market today." I think should be "Our mirror covers are unique and the only ones of their kind on the market today."

- The "Wearforce Mirror Covers" paragraph... "These covers are a must have for all coach owners. " Should be "These covers are a must-have for all coach owners."  Must-have is a noun and is therefore hyphenated.  See

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compound_%28linguistics%29

- "Awning/Topper Info" page... "select a color that matches their coaches color scheme." should be "select a color that matches their coach's color scheme."  "coaches" is plural, "coach's" shows possession.

- "Awning/Topper" page... "An awning/slide topper is only as strong as the thread which holds it together." I believe should be "An awning/slide topper is only as strong as the thread that holds it together."  Which vs. that is a tricky one and I may be wrong here, but I believe it's a restrictive clause.    See

    http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/which-versus-that.aspx

"back each one with the best warranty in the industry."  Are you going to add a warranty statement on your page somewhere?  I'd be careful with that one.  

Here and there throughout I'd add commas to some of the long sentences for clarity, but I've been accused of commatosis before  ;D

Ok, if you've lasted this long, I really like your color scheme - very high-end looking IMHO.  Also, navigation is a breeze with no "flying bologna".  It's simple, to-the-point, and informative.

Oh, and Bobbin may certainly have some differences of opinion in the grammar department, but I was taught English by a little old lady from Rhode Island who'd crack my knuckles (or at least slam her desk) with an 18" wood ruler if I got it wrong.  Old school, she was.

June



 

[gene]

Looks great. Now I don't have to drive to Indiana to see what it is that you do. LOL

Hey! Bobbin, Keith and Doyle ain't the only folks who got a real good handle on words and spelling and stuff like that.

One thought: Awning and Slide Topper fabric replacements for the discerning ? Discerning what? Discerning is an adjective. It needs an object. If the picture is the object, I think it might flow better with a word, such as:

Awning and Slide Topper fabric replacements for the discerning owner. (Then the pic below.)

It's interesting, Mojo. I'm working on getting a web site up and I feel some angst and reservations about actually "getting it out there for everyone to see."

Again, good job.

gene

[Mojo]

Wow June. Thank you so much. I never seen any of that. This is the reason why I always ask for input from as many people as possible. Typically I have an english teacher proof everything but she is busy as heck.

You caught a lot of mistakes June and I thank you. When I get back to town I will make the changes. I am heading to Tampa for two days to do a seminar.

Gene, that was a word I wasn't sure about. I was trying to find a word that explains the picky coach owner. The one who is very ...........ummmmmmmm.......I cannot find the word I am looking for - wants nothing but the best. You caught a good one. Any suggestions for replacing that word :)

We have many people on here I see that are excellent with the english language. I used to do ad copy, write manuals, contracts, etc. One big stroke in 1999 hit my cognitive center and did a lot of damage. I can no longer do math and I have forgotten alot of my vocabulary, spelling and punctuation. Thank God I have others to rely on who can help me. :)

Thanks June and Gene.

Chris

P.S. Its a good thing your not coming over to see me in Goshen Gene. I had plans of going out to dinner with you and sticking you with the tab. We all know furniture guys have all the money. :)

[Peppy]

Peppy:

I wanted to brand my awnings and toppers so I came up with the name Wearforce. The little circled C is the copyright to that name which I have. I also branded my solar screens Solarforce.

I figured it would be alot easier for RV'ers to remember Wearforce awning rather then my name........lol

Chris

Right on, seems maybe your a victim of your own excellent marketing then. I figured it was something special and went to look for it. Maybe you could set up a page somewhere explaining it so that google returns that before this thread?

Wow June, you're good! I want to get in on it now!

I never seen any of that.

That should be: I never saw any of that. Or maybe I've never seen any of that.

(sorry, that one really bugs me ;) Always brings to mind- I seen youse guys acrost the street)

[bobbin]

"Agreement" is huge in foreign languages  (6 yrs. of French and daily use in the retail business taught me that!).  I zeroed in on "coaches" in the the same line in "Awning/Topper", too.  The use of "their" connotes more than one owner and doesn't that lead to more than one "coach"?  So I was OK with "coaches" but recognized instantly that there was no apostrophe to denote possession... wouldn't "coaches'" solve that?  I may well be wrong on that, sometimes the use of apostrophes can be its own little minefield!

I also concur with streamlining; eliminating words that are extraneous, and again, I tend to agree with June, "less is more", and may also have roots in regional dialect and the era in which one was educated. 

It's a good site, Mojo.  Very nice job.  (now I am totally freaked out by the prospect of attempting a website for my own business!). 

"Picky" coach owners could be "discriminating" coach owners.  Isn't it strange how words and their selection can connote such important things?  (great topic to be posted on the 200th. anniversary of the birth of Charles Dickens!)

And Gene, "who got" a handle?  shouldn't it be "who have a 'handle'"!  You, kidder, you!

[gene]

Add June's name to the list of folks that do real good on English.

Mojo, I like the word "discerning"  if that's the adjective you would use to describe the folks you work with. My thought was to add a noun to finish the thought.
Discerning owners. Discerning public. Discerning RVers. Discerning customers.

Bobbin: How about "whos gots a real goodly handle..." It's sometimes as difficult for me to use incorrect English syntax as it is for some folks to use correct English syntax.

gene

[Mojo]

Hot Damn.............. That is the word I was looking for " Discriminating ". You Dah lady Bobbin.

When I get the time I will go back and redo all of the mistakes you fine folks found for me.

Thanks again to all of you. :)

Chris