Couple of Friday Funnies (PG rated)

[byhammerandhand]

A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted
by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely
young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the
Sergeant Major for conversation.

"Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man.
Is something bothering you?"

"Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature."

"The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It
looks like you have seen a lot of action."

"Yes, ma'am, a lot of action."

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said,
"You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy
yourself."

The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take
this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?"

"1959, ma'am."

"Well, there you are. You really need to chill out and quit taking
everything so seriously! I mean no sex since 1959! She took his
hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax"
him several times.

Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest
and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1959!"

The Sergeant Major, glancing at his watch, said in his
matter-of-fact voice, "I hope not, it's only 2137 now."

---

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot", he shouted.

A few moments passed .. "An ambulance just drove by."

A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company", he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike....."

A few moments later, "Looks like the Sanders are moving."

"Jason is on his skate board...."

A few more moments,

"The Coopers are having sex."

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle too"

[Mike]

that was a good one 1959 lol  ;D

[JuneC]

LOL!  I needed a laugh today. 

June

[Darren Henry]

 ;D Thanks Keith.That second one is on it's way to Dad before I go out to base here this afternoon to tell the first one again

[gene]

Kids certainly know more than we think!

Here's a Sunday Silly:

Speaking of Obama, "How's that change working for you?"

There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad . The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"

The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz."

THE MORAL OF THE STORY:

Someone may come along and promise "Change," but don't count on things smelling any better.