Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain
and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate
ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed
to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First
Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which
the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate
boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among
the crew, the pirates were repelled.

The men sat around on deck that night recounting the
day's events when an ensign looked to the Captain and
asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before
the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that
only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded
in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, and
thus you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men
sat in silence, marveling at the courage of such a man.

The next morning, the lookout screamed that there were
two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew
cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed,
"Bring me my red shirt!" Once again, the battle was
on, and the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding
parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Later that day, however, the lookout screamed that there
were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties
on their way. The men became silent and looked to the
Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown
pants!"

**********************

All arrivals in  heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination

       to determine whether  admission will be granted. One room has a clerk

       who inputs computerized  records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of  life.


       The first applicant of the day explains that  his last day was not a

       good one. "I came home early and found my wife  lying naked in bed. She

       claimed she had just gotten out of the shower.  Well, her hair was dry

       and I checked the shower and it was completely dry  too. I knew she was

       into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her  lover. I went onto the

       balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the  SOB clinging to the

       rail by his finger tips. I was so angry that I began  bashing his

       fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall  was

       broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive  I

       found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to  the

       balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At  this

       point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack  and

       died.? The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next  office.


       The second applicant said that his last day  was his worst. "I was on the

       roof of an apartment building working on the  AC equipment. I stumbled

       over my tools and toppled off the building. I  managed to grab onto the

       balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some  idiot came rushing out

       on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower  pot. I fell but hit

       some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked  up I saw a huge

       chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way  but failed

       and was hit and killed by the chest." The clerk couldn't help  but chuckle

       as he directs the man to the next  room.

       He is still giggling when his third customer of  the day enters. He

       apologizes and says "I doubt that your last day was as  interesting as

       the fellow in here just before you."



       "I don't know" replies the man, "picture this,  I'm buck naked hiding'

       in this cedar  chest....."

**************

Hope you all have an awesome weekend. Be safe, be happy and enjoy.

Mojo

[gene]

"All arrivals in  heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether  admission will be granted."

Damn! Sounds like heaven is just like Obama's health care program!

gene

PS: Thanks for the funnies.

[SteveMoke]

The Police came to the front door of my house late last night, holding a picture of my wife.

They asked, "Is this your wife, Sir?".

Shocked, I answered "Yes".

They said, "I'm afraid it looks as if she's been hit by a bus".



I said: "I know. But she's got a kind heart, a lovely personality, and she's very good with the dog".