Messages

When You're Seventy

I was standing at the bar at the VFW one night minding my own
business.  This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my
behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone
number?"
I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"
She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".
I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."
Cost me 6 stitches...but,
When you're seventy..............who cares?


I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms,
please."
Lady Clerk:  "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir I said "Nah...
She's purty good  lookin'....."When you're seventy.............who cares?

I was talking to a young woman in the VFW last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut,  You'd look
all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there   Instead of you."
Cost me a fat lip, but...
When you're seventy..............who cares?

I was telling a woman in the Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born
just by feeling her breasts.
"Really" she said, "Go on then... Try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on,
what day was I born?" I said, "Yesterday."
Cost me a kick in the nuts, but..
When you're seventy..............who cares.

I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.  The lifeguard shouted
at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you're seventy..............who cares?
( Comment added by Simonsens) Talk about peeing in the pool, I thought only kids did it??? Last week as I was listening to the radio-  a report was referenced saying that they found that 90% of people pee in the pool and pool water is about 2% pee. And I go there everyday... 

[ What I want to know is where they did the survey for the radio report so I don't make the mistake of swimming there! Diana]

I went to our VFW last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.
I said, "Good legs."                   
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"                 
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."
Cost me 6 more stitches, but...
When you're seventy...............who cares.

I have a Juki 158, 30 inch arm, 3/8 in. needle spacing.  Near new condition.  I bought it  a few years ago with grand plans to sew truck tarps, swimming pool covers, and etc.  Never happened.  I have restitched a few pool covers, but that's it.  I'll take $2500 for it.  I'm located about an hour north of Dallas.  Call me at nine zero three 815 four two nine one.
Robert

I like to use the stainless zipper stops.  I used to use a pair of needle nose pliers to crimp them with.  I filed a couple of notches to help hold the stops.  Worked ok, but then I found an old, cheap pair of pliers in my tool box.  These were kinda thin, but I ground them a littler thinner, about the width of the stops.  I position the stop between my thumb and forefinger, then grab the open side of the stop with the pliers.  I can slide the zipper between the open jaws of the pliers, get it on the tooth I want and then crimp.  Works well and I don't need the over priced tool.  It's easier to do then try to describe it.

I was in the White Elephant Saloon on Saturday night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked,
"Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland ?"


One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said...,
"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"


That's the last thing I remember...

I, also, like to add a piece of vinyl to the inside of the top.  It acts as a stiffener and helps the top stay flat and looks nicer.
Robert

Where do you get your binding tape from?  Should I use 3/4" or 1"?  I would think 3/4" would be enough.

I like to use 1" binding on Sunbrella because you get the stitch further away from the edge of the cloth, which is easily frayed.  I have seen binding come loose when the edge of the cloth frayed.  Just me, maybe?

I have had some success using alcohol to remove sharpie marks.  I would hesitate to use it on fabrics as it tends to make the marks run, although I did get it out of a shirt pocket once.  You might try it on some scraps first.

I don't believe that is a geared belt.  I don't know what it is called but I know that sometimes that is what they give you for a replacement at the auto parts store.