Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have
good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me sh1t."

**********************

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime.

"Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

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Your bonus Friday joke.......................

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban
girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe,
would you please name the organ of the human body, which
under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times
its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smythe gasped, then said coldly, "Mr. Perkins,
I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I
assure you my parents will hear of this."

With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins
called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of
the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe,
I have three things to say to you. One, you have not
studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And
three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

[gene]

Thanks for the chuckles.

gene

[sofadoc]

A young man comes into the doctor's offce doubled over in pain.
"Doc, I got kicked in the groin, and I'm getting married in 3 days. Can you help me?"
The doctor takes 4 tongue depressors and some medical tape, and fashions a splint around the young man's penis.
"Don't take that off until your wedding night, and you should be ready to go"
On the wedding night, the new bride came out of the bathroom wearing nothing but a smile.
"I want you to know that I saved myself for you. No one else has touched, or even seen what you're seeing right now. I hope that you can say the same thing for me".
As the young man was dropping his pants, he said "Oh yeah, well look at this.......STILL in the crate!"