Mojo's Tuesday Pick-Me-Up

[Mojo]

It is Mojo's - S U P E R - Tuesday pick-me-up day. I try and do a super day once a month with several jokes. Anymore then that and I will end up turning this place into a joke site. So Enjoy Mojo's Super Tuesday................

*********************

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban
girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe,
would you please name the organ of the human body, which
under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times
its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smythe gasped, then said coldly, "Mr. Perkins,
I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I
assure you my parents will hear of this."

With that she sat down red-faced. Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins
called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.
Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of
the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. Perkins. "And now, Miss Smythe,
I have three things to say to you. One, you have not
studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And
three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."


****************

I was swatting flies this afternoon when my wife came in and asked what I was doing. I said, "swatting flies... I've killed 3 male and 2 female flies.".
She said, "How do you know what sex they are?" "Well," I said, "3 were on a beer can and 2 were on the phone!"

*****************

A sheriff is patrolling one night, and turns down a notorious "lover's lane". As he comes around a bend, he sees a car parked at the side of the road, with two people in it, but all the interior lights are on, and the occupants are sitting up on opposite sides.

Pulling up behind the car, he gets out and walks up to the driver's side, wondering why all the light. As he gets to the back of the car, he sees a young lady in the backseat, filing her fingernails. In the front seat, a young man reading a magazine.

Totally confused, he taps on the driver's window, and asks the young man, "What's going on here?"
"I'm reading a magazine, officer."
"And what's she doing back there?"
"I believe she's filing her fingernails."
Still nonplussed, the sheriff asks, "How old are you?"
"I'm 20, sir."
"And how old is she?"
The young man looks at his watch, and says, "She'll be 18 in about 11 minutes."

**********************

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive further away then before but this time made constant zig's and zag's, turning right, then left, then left, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and again booted the cat from the car.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a ****** on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"



Enjoy the rest of your week stitchers. :)

Mojo

[BigJohn]

Chris:
     I liked the one about the flies the best!
                                      Big John

[Allan]

An English schoolteacher was looking for rooms in Switzerland. She called upon the local schoolmaster to help her find an apartment that would be suitable. Such rooms were found and she returned to London for her belongings.

She remembered that she had not noticed a bathroom, or as she called it, "a water closet." She wrote to the schoolmaster and asked if there was a "W.C." in or near the apartment.

The schoolmaster, now knowing the English expression, was puzzled by the term "W.C.," never dreaming that she was talking about a bathroom. He finally sought advice from the parish priest. They concluded that she must mean a Wesley Chapel.

The lady received the following letter a few days later:

Dear Madam:

The W.C. is located 9 miles from the house, in the heart of a beautiful grove of trees. It will seat 150 people at one time, and is open on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays. Some people bring their lunch and make a day of it.

On Thursdays there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are very good. The slightest sound can be heard by everyone.

It may interest you to know that my daughter met her husband at the W.C.

We are now in the process of taking donations to purchase plush seats. We feel that this is a long-felt need, as the present seats have holes in them.

My wife, being rather delicate, hasn't been able to attend regularly. It has been six months since she last went. Naturally, it pains her not to be able to go more often.

I will close now with the desire to accommodate you in every way possible, and will be happy to save you a seat either down front or near the door, as you prefer.