Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mama and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

*************************

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.

She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[Darren Henry]

OMG!!! clean up under my desk,please, I think I just wet myself. Mom always loved doing jig saw puzzles. The chemo and radiation for her breast cancer knocked the stuffing out of her so she was very difficult to medicate (she was well under 80 lbs when she died) and sodium/potassium/oxygen etc.. levels occasionally got so far out of whack that she had "issues". My old man is the poster child for "flat line". ["Gerald you've won a million dollars--- blip" "all hell has broke loose and you've lost everything---blip--alright where do I start?" ] When Mom had her couple of episodes , he handled her EXACTLY the way the neighbour did.

[Lynn]

Hey Darren, that's wierd....my mom was an avid jigsaw puzzler, she also died of breast cancer having all that same treatment your mom had. It'll be twenty years this year (my son was 8 weeks old) and I still miss her.
Lynn

[gene]

Mr. Mojo,

Could you post some jokes about things other than old people? I'm getting to an age where I am concerned that I might be reading about myself someday in one of your Friday Funnies.

Thank you,

gene

[Darren Henry]

Don't sweat it Gene: By then you will have forgotten it was about you.  ;)

Lynn; technically Mom is a cancer "survivor" in that it was her COPD that took her out 24 Apr 2010. I just popped in here as a break form unloading another box of "stuff" now that I no longer run back to Ont. on weekends. I was finding a place to put pictures of "healthy Mom". It may sound sick; but I'm grateful that I have to deal with so much death in my life.Many many relatives/friends ago I read John Steinbeck's "To a god unknown". It makes you think about the circle of life as per the first nations peoples view of life and death.I fully buy into that philosophy. All these people still live in my heart and my mind. Distance and coin have often kept me from holding the people I love. Same thing. Love them and accept that there won't be a hug at the end of your "visit". their love and spirit are with us 24/7 the same as  our living family.

Chris sorry to jack your thread; needed to get that said before I move on. 

[Mojo]

Mr. Mojo,

Could you post some jokes about things other than old people? I'm getting to an age where I am concerned that I might be reading about myself someday in one of your Friday Funnies.

Thank you,

gene

I try and post jokes that everyone on here can relate to. Since this forum is like a geriatric center for stitchers I thought that maybe everyone would be able to understand these jokes better. :)

I do apologize and will see if I can find some younger ones for next week. It's just hard when you enjoy picking on old people. I think that comes from my being 30 yrs old. :)

Chris

[ragtacker]

Don't worry about it - as one of the oldest here, I am still laughing! ;D  We definitely need to be able to laugh at ourselves and at what life throws at us, or we'd just sit and cry all the time.  (And that would ruin the fabric!) ::)

[byhammerandhand]

Gene,

Don't worry.  Mojo can post the same joke every week and you will laugh again because you can't remember reading it before. 

;D

Mr. Mojo,

Could you post some jokes about things other than old people? I'm getting to an age where I am concerned that I might be reading about myself someday in one of your Friday Funnies.

Thank you,

gene

[BigJohn]

I've said this before but here goes again: Thanks for bringing some humor to my day!
                                                   Big John

[sofadoc]

Mojo, Mike, and Gene were all sitting around the old folk's home one night.
Mojo announced "Whew, it's WAY past my bedtime. It's almost 7:30. I'm going to bed"
He went upstairs, and started to get in bed, then yelled "Hey! I can't remember. Am I getting IN the bed, or OUT of the bed?"
Mike and Gene just rolled their eyes. Mike said "I'll go help him"
Mike started up the stairs, turned back to Gene, and said "Hey! I can't remember. Was I going UP the stairs, or DOWN the stairs?"
Gene looked toward the heavens, and lifted a prayer.
"Oh Lord, thank you for leaving me here to take care of these two. I don't know what they'd do without me.
And I just thank you so much, that at my age, I still have ALL my wits, knock on wood...............Who-o-o-o IS it?"

[Mojo]

Mojo, Mike, and Gene were all sitting around the old folk's home one night.
Mojo announced "Whew, it's WAY past my bedtime. It's almost 7:30. I'm going to bed"
He went upstairs, and started to get in bed, then yelled "Hey! I can't remember. Am I getting IN the bed, or OUT of the bed?"
Mike and Gene just rolled their eyes. Mike said "I'll go help him"
Mike started up the stairs, turned back to Gene, and said "Hey! I can't remember. Was I going UP the stairs, or DOWN the stairs?"
Gene looked toward the heavens, and lifted a prayer.
"Oh Lord, thank you for leaving me here to take care of these two. I don't know what they'd do without me.
And I just thank you so much, that at my age, I still have ALL my wits, knock on wood...............Who-o-o-o IS it?"

LOL...................Now that was a good one. :)

Chris