MIL

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

Not upholstery related, except that I'm not really working right now.

MIL has been in a nursing home since Mar last year.  In and out of ER twice in one week, said she had a cold and sent her back to Nursing Home.  Went to ER again Sunday evening late and was diagnosed with very acute pneumonia and admitted to ICU.  Her PCP called my SIL this morning to tell her that his orders at the desk for MIL are now for "comfort only" and that the family needs to gather as he expects her to pass sometime today or this evening.

I have a truck seat for the City that I have to get out of here and then the closed sign goes up for the duration.  Please keep my MIL in your thoughts.  She was a lovely lady and I would not be near the person I am today if not for her guidance and, more importantly, her unconditional love throughout my years.

Virginia

[brmax]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family in the days ahead.

[Darren Henry]

I have a truck seat for the City that I have to get out of here

Do not make me take a cab down to Kansas to break my pace stick on your fat head!!! The city has other trucks!!

Former SGT. MAJ. D.J Henry,CD.


This lady is way more than your MIL---I remember the story of you meeting Bob and spewing cake batter all about. Your place is with her and Bob and the the rest of the family. Please share my thoughts and prayers with them,as well as for yourself, for me. I feel for all of you.

Your warm fuzzy sided friend Darren.

[Mike]

sorry to hear about her Virginia,  I know the pain.

[Mojo]

My thoughts and prayers are with your MIL as well as you and your entire family.

Chris

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

Mornin' All!

Part of why I stayed home yesterday working on the City vehicle is that with Joe, we needed one person here to keep him from destroying the house.  He was wired when I got home last evening.  Bob came home around 5.  We ate a quick supper, I drank a cup of coffee and then I was at the hospital until close to 10 before I gave it up and came home.

Lots of people in and out to visit her.  They have her on Morphine and another drug to keep the anxiety down.  They had a form of an oxygen mask on her that has a big long name but is commonly referred to as a "by-pass".  She was very uncomfortable with that on.  Covers the entire face, makes it difficult to communicate, etc.  Dr made the decision to discontinue the by-pass and just use regular oxygen on her.  They removed the by-pass shortly before 5 last night.  Her breathing is much more labored without it.  Pastor came in last evening and told us that typically when they remove the by-pass, it takes from 3 to 12 hours for the patient to pass away.  Mom's 12 hours were up around 5.  Haven't called ICU to check but Bob's sister is there and she would have called had anything happened during the night.

It was pretty shocking to see her as she had changed so drastically in appearance.  Her face was gaunt and drawn, only one eye opened when she recognized me, mouth open all the time as she is gasping for air much of the time and her words are very difficult to understand.  Thankfully she is not in pain, due to the meds they are giving her, but this is still a horrible way to die.  I'm thankful all over again that my FIL was able to die in his sleep at home.  I was there when he passed and it was so peaceful.  That was our wish for MIL as well but that's not how the cards have played out.

We'll alternate time at the hospital again today.  I'm sure Bob will take the morning shift which gives me a chance to get some extra housework done before the swarm of people arrive and also to continue working on her income taxes.

Thanks for all the good wishes!

Virginia

[kodydog]

Sorry to here about your MIL Virginia. My prayers are sent. Best wishes.

[cajunpedaler]

Condolences to you and the family dealing with the MIL.  I went through the same thing a few years back with my father and his demise sounded very similar...comfort measures, the predictable forecast of the end. 
He died gracefully, there was some gasping and some discomfort I'm sure. But to die naturally, without a lot of medical and pharmaceutical intervention is a blessing..I saw some patients kept alive and sure they might not have been in pain, but I just felt it was a travesty to hook them up to machines and deprive them of a dignified death...only to have them linger in nothingness. (usually for some monetary gain for the institution)
Celebrate her life and her memories.
Perry

[mike802]

Sorry to hear about your MIL Virginia, our prayers are with you.

[Darren Henry]

I don't mean to jack Virginia's thread---but she has a lot on her plate right now. She replied to a PM we had been passing back and forth this morning to let me know her MIL had passed quietly around 1:00 this morning. I'll leave her fill in the blanks once she can hang out here again. We all now how upside down the next week or 2 are going to be for her and Bob.

She did mention how much they appreciated our thoughts and prayers.

[Mike]

so sorry for your family loss Virginia   

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

Thanks for keeping the board updated Darren.  It's been a wild 10 days.  A little calmer today but SIL & I are going to the Nursing Home tomorrow to dispute their billing us for a med at $1,000 when MIL's insurance could get the identical med for $15.00.

MIL's wishes were to be cremated and that has taken place.  Held the Memorial Service yesterday.  I did the family portion of the eulogy which was really difficult for me.  I wrote a fabulous eulogy but standing up in front of a large group of folks is not my cup of tea.  There were close to 75 friends/family members paying their respects.  It was nice but boy am I glad that we are through that hurdle.

We still have a few things on our plates.  Coming to agreement with the Nursing Home, regarding MIL's med bill, we're also in dispute with the hospital over an $1,100 bill.  Her EOB shows that she doesn't owe anything but the Hospital says she owes $1,100 plus.  SIL sent the bill from the Hospital to MIL's insurance carrier and we haven't heard back from them yet.  There will also be her final Hospital bill as well as the final med bill from the Nursing Home.  Her funeral expenses are slightly under $4,300.00.  She has 2 very small insurance policies that will cover final expenses with a tad left over.  Decent balance in her check book.  So hopefully, we can get the med issues straightened out and finalize her monetary issues.  I do get a little frustrated over her lack of $$$.  FIL had a sizeable inheritance from his parents and I think MIL gave it to any and everyone with a sob story so now we're holding our breath to make sure that we can cover all of her expenses.

The three of us each got a ring.  Bob got his dad's band, I got MIL's matching band and SIL got MIL's diamond.  All three are beautiful rings and each worth a nice amount, though I can't imagine any of the three of us parting with our ring.  Bob & I had ours sized for our fingers at Christmas when MIL gave them to us and the jewelry bill was our Christmas gift to each other.  FIL & MIL also had a living trust (I think that is the legal name for it) that gives Bob & I one half and SIL the other half of 40 acres of dry land in eastern Nebraska.  Currently rented out.  Renter and his wife and son were at the Memorial Service yesterday; partially to pay respects but also to let us know that they are very interested in buying the land if we are interested in selling.   Bob & I want very much to sell but there's no real way to divide the acres so his SIL has been the issue.  We've had a couple of heart to hearts about finances.  She has In-Law's mobile home but it isn't going to last forever and she could put a down payment on a cute little cottage with her share of the proceeds.  She gave me an indication this morning that she's agreeable to selling since the renter's would like to purchase.  They have been on the land since 1952, which is a very long time and if memory serves me correctly they own some adjacent acres so it would be a good deal for them as well as us.

At any rate, actually got to do some upholstery work today (not enough) and it felt great!  Also had another seat project for a pontoon fall into my lap today.  He called and wanted to come by Friday.  When I explained about MIL, he was more than willing to wait until today to meet.  Also, we went to a little bar and grill for lunch on Saturday with a bunch of the foster's.  I could not believe how crappy their seats looked.  I went up and introduced myself to the owner, gave her a business card and asked if I could give her an estimate on reupholstering her chairs (60+).  She was thrilled as they really look tacky.  So, I'll get that worked up as well.  Now just got to move these other projects on out of here.  Most of them are very close to being done.  Just haven't done much work since Sunday morning a week ago when SIL called the first time.

Joe handled our being gone for 4+ hours just great.  Couch and chairs as well as cats all alive or intact.  We took him to Bob's grown-up little foster brother's house on Sunday as MIL's "wake" was held there.  George has 2 large boxer/mastiffs and a boston terrier.  Joe loved the terrier but was totally freaked by the mastiff's.  George's daughter lives next door so they put the big kids in her yard and Joe and Oreo ran each other silly for 2 hours straight.  I think that's why he's so quiet today--still recovering from Sunday.

Thanks again for everyone's well wishes!

Virginia

[Darren Henry]

Again I'm sorry you and Bob had to go through this. I am relieved to hear that it went well and that ( if your telling the whole truth) you are both moving on well. It's a tough road----check my axles LOL.

I did the family portion of the eulogy which was really difficult for me.  I wrote a fabulous eulogy but standing up in front of a large group of folks is not my cup of tea.  There were close to 75 friends/family members paying their respects.  It was nice but boy am I glad that we are through that hurdle

KUDOS GIRL! I have no issues ,normally, public speaking. I bailed on mine at Dad's service. My  niece had written almost the same eulogy; and I refuse to choke up,or lose composure at funerals.
too many people wondering if I'm the black sheep that left town---or the replacement for the rock Dad was.

Having gone through this recently----I have some $$$ info to share if you and Bob are interested. Drop me a PM.

Grab some quality food and a nap----the numb of loosing your mother is going to wear off right in the middle of the rest of "moving forward" .

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

Yup, right now it's ok.  I'm sure there is some numbness as she died less than 4 days after going to the Hospital so not much time to prepare.  In some ways, we have been preparing for her death since she was admitted to the Nursing Home as we knew she would be there until she passed.  That was the 1st of March last year so there has been some adjustment and every visit you could see that she had gone just a little bit more downhill.  So in that regard, it does make it easier than when FIL passed.  Had a heart attack at a volleyball game and 2 weeks later he died.  That was bad as there was absolutely no indication that anything was amiss or about to change.  We all really struggled with his passing.

As to the eulogy, I do not like public speaking.  I had a slip fall out from under my dress in grade school when I was reading in front of the class and I think that is always in the back of my head, every time I get up in front of a group.  I think both MIL & FIL were sitting on my shoulder, helping me talk.  Somehow, I deleted one paragraph and didn't realize it until I started talking.  Fortunately, I was able to "wing" that part and got back on track.  I'm surprised I didn't trip going back to my seat as I was really motoring. ; )

I'm sure one of these days, everything is going to catch up big time.  Still probably going on "automatic" where your body just takes over and you kind of do what you have to without being conscious of deciding to do those things that have to or need to be done.

Darren, I'll shoot you a pm later.  Any hints or help you can provide in that area will be greatly appreciated.

Virginia

[Mike]

Virginia you e reminded me of when my dad passes he was t the best of men and made me mad alot. Nut he lived with me and couldnt walk ina chair his last 20 years. I came home from work one day and found hin and his chair in my pool. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes spread in the gulf. Thats what we did and on the trip to the boat with us turned on the radio and the first sont was hos favorite  song.