Paying at a restaurant

[sofadoc]

I came from a small family, and they're all in the "Boneyard" now.

So when we get together at a restaurant with family, it's always my wife's side. I wanted the opinion of some of you guys because most of us come from the same basic economic scale. We all do the same type of work, and we have the same concept of the value of a dollar.

I can certainly pay for the meals of me, my wife, 2 daughters, son-in-law, and 2 grandsons. And since my wife's mom and dad are on a fixed income, I don't mind splitting the cost of their meal with my brother-in-law. But you start throwing in some nieces, nephews and cousins.......I draw the line.

It's not that I can't afford it. I'm just not willing to.

Do any of you guys ever feel this way when the check comes?

[SteveA]

Doc
You answered your own question.  You can afford it - and giving is better than receiving.  More comes to you in life from your generous nature.  Hopefully someone else steps up to the plate once in a while . It's unfair if it's always you but when you pay I believe there are no contingencies.  I wonder if Mrs. Sofa agrees with me ?
SA

[bobbin]

Way back when the helpmeet and I were "courting" I was struggling to establish credit.  Remember when you actually had to do that? the time when cc didn't magically appear in your mailbox??  Anyway, I finally received my very first cc. and the nice guy at the bank told me to use it for everything and pay the balance IN FULL every month. 

The running joke between the helpmeet and I was whether or not the waitron would actually read the name on the card and put the bill in front of the proper person.  9 times out of 10 the bill would automatically be presented to him! 

I can't even feature showing up for "dinner out" and not making any effort to "chip in"!  New Englanders have a reputation for being "'bout at tight as bark on a tree", but if you can't pay for your own food stay the hell home!

[forsailbyowner]

Restaurant? whats that? Even eating out of grocery stores food is my biggest expense these days.

[sofadoc]

My real problem is when it comes to alcohol. We all know how booze can spike the overall bill.

Me and my immediate family don't drink, so I'm not too terribly keen on paying for 8-10 other people to suck it down.

Other than the mom and dad on the fixed income, everyone else in the family is financially capable of paying for their own meal.

And my wife definitely feels the same way I do.

It started several years ago when my BIL (who was making half a mil per year at the time) always insisted on picking up the check. I always insisted on paying for my family's portion of the bill. I never let him pay for our meals. But if he wanted to pay for all the nieces and nephews, that was no concern of mine. Now, his income is a fraction of what it once was, so he's no longer so eager to pay for all the ones who gladly let him do so in the past. There are some at the table that have never paid a dime before. And since me and my BIL always chip in for mom and dad, it gets awkward when the check comes.

[bobbin]

I'd spell it right out, Sofa.  When the helpmeet and I go out for a meal, the bill says it all.  And, veterans of the restaurant industry in "tourist towns" we know that booze and dessert are the "gravy" for the establishment.  And for the waitrons (who need tips). 

FSBO:  I've never met cheaper people in the world than "blow boaters".  The wind is free and everything else ought to be?  Yeah, right.  Some of us actually know how to factor an occasional meal out into our expense accounts!

[Mike]

well I have a small family too my dads side I have some estranged uncle aunt old and nephews and mpm sides couseins left I haven't seem sence 1969 so its just me and my brother but I agree sofa I wouldn't like getting stuck all the time with the check booze on top of it .  ever see that scebe of two and a half men when charley was tireds of footing the dinner bill for his brother allen so when the bill came allen had to go to the mens room so charley folled him and took as long as allen

[Mike]

helpmeet

never heard that tern bobbin  is that you husband boyfriend?

[bobbin]

 Married.  21 yrs. and counting, Mike.

"Helpmeet" is from Shakespeare.  What I like so much about the term is that is can apply to un-married couples, or similarly committed couples of any persuasion!  I also love that so many readers are nervous about what "helpmeet" means with respect to me!  Gotcha, lol. 

This household is all about commitment and love.  And good humor.  And doin' the right thing. 

:)

[sofadoc]

Married.  21 yrs. and counting, Mike.

I can tell you for sure.........the first 37 years are the hardest.  ;)

[gene]

In similar situations I always clarify to the waiter/waitress as soon as they get to the table that I will take the bill for me and these specific people - or, my wife will take the bill for me and these specific people. And I say it loud enough for everyone at our table to hear. I also say it with a very kind and helpful tone of voice.

Others will follow my lead and also let the waiter/waitress know who's getting the bill and for whom.

I have found this to be helpful for the waiter/waitress and there's no haggling BS at the end of the meal over who's paying for who.

Whether or not I can afford something is no one's business. I won't give away a dime because I can afford it. I will give away a dime because that is what I choose to do. Just my thoughts on it.

Hey buddy, can you spare a dime?

gene

[baileyuph]

I guess I will weigh in here, since I can't get a staple gun before about 3 or more weeks.  Smile.

I think Gene's way of handling the bill is a good way.  It clarifies before ordering what everyone should expect after meal.

My girl friend will order for me and I get to pay.  She thinks that is fair, both contribute to the process.  She isn't a big eater and doesn't let me over do it, might start gaining weight.  We dont get dessert or drink alcohol, a wine on special occ.  It goes this way whether we are in a group or not.  Normally, in a group, the ticket is set up at the time of order.  I like that because I can get the ticket and leave when I wish.

But...........it is hard to know how to handle a family situation like Dennis is talking about.
Probably the way he and his wife feel, but one has to be smart when dealing with reatives.  I have been with small groups where everyone will argue to pay the bill, my turn.......my turn.......and so on.  If someone pays for mine, I will throw my part plus tip, in cash, back to them anyway and thank them for the jester.

That seems to work.

Doyle

[kodydog]

When we're out with family my wife and me usually pay for our meals and my mom. My younger sister and her husband pay for their meals and their adult children. My older sister the same.

If we invite our nieces or nephews to dinner we'll pick up the bill.

When we're ordering food we make this clear to the server and get separate bills.

Set the ground rules at the beginning and the freeloaders will stop coming.

For Christmas the decorator where I work decided to organize a party at a local pizza joint.  At first half the employes moaned and groaned about how they couldn't make it, couldn't afford it, to much to do that time of year. When the boss said he'd pick up the tab all of a sudden everybody wanted to go. And invite their spouses and boyfriends and girlfriends. And they enjoyed the libations. After the holidays I made sure to tell the boss what a great time we all had. He said when he got the bill his eyes about popped out of his head. Then he said we should do it again next year. Maybe without the open bar.

[JuneC]

Try grabbing the check and telling each family what they owe.  I'd be proactive.  Just like "Jerry, yours comes to  $28, Martin, yours is $39, Isabel is $22 and Frank's is $138 - holy cow Frank, that champagne taste on a beer budget is gonna get your Escalade reposessed!)

June

[Mojo]

We routinely pick up the tab of our elderly friends. Our very close friends who we dine with nearly every week, we alternate. They pay one week and we pay the next and never keep a running total.

But even my kids know I will NOT pay for alcoholic beverages. I do not drink and haven't in 30 years. I will gladly buy you a $ 1.50 soda or cup of coffee but I will not buy you a $ 4 beer or $ 8 mixed drink. You want to drink alcohol, fine. Pay for the over priced crap yourself. Is this out of line ??

I wonder if you can request two tabs, one being food and one being drinks ? Would that even be polite ? " Give me the food bill and give them the bar tab ".

Chris