Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken
off their car video/voice recorders:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went
through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch
after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a
worthless document." (My Favorite)

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed
of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it
will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to
ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster
oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime
Information Center )

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed
to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here."

**********************

Shampoo alert!

As I was conditioning my hair in the shower this morning, I took time to read my shampoo bottle. I am in shock!
The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my entire body says "for extra volume and body"!

Seriously, why have I not noticed this before? Now I understand why I've become more "full-figured"!

Tomorrow I am going to start using Morning Fresh dishwashing liquid. It says right on the label "dissolves fat that is otherwise difficult to remove."

It pays to read the warning labels, my friends!

Have a great weekend and a wonderful 4th of July......... :D

Mojo

[Hell Bat]

Thanks :) ;D :P

[kodydog]

I like # 14