Mojo's Tuesday Pick Me Up

[Mojo]

By gosh by golly today is Tuesday. I got something right this week. Yayyyyyy. :)

Tony had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.' He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will make love the way I Want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'

His Italian wife Gina replied, 'The funeral director would be my first guess.'

***********************

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial trouble. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

So at his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the
congregation who would be willing to sell the Bibles door-to-door for $10
each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.

Gene, Allan and Big John all raised their hands to volunteer for the task.

The minister knew that Allan and Gene earned their living as salesmen and
were likely capable of selling Bibles. But he had serious doubts about
Big John who was a local upholsterer and who had always kept to himself because he was
embarrassed by his speech impediment. Poor John stuttered badly. But, not
wanting to discourage John, the minister decided to let him try anyway.

He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their cars stacked
with Bibles.

He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their
door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday..

Anxious to find out how successful they were, the minister immediately
asked Gene, "Well, Gene, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?"

Proudly handing the reverend an envelope, Gene replied, "Using my sales
prowess, I was able to sell 20 Bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf
of the church."

"Fine job, Gene !", the minister said, vigorously shaking his hand. "You
are indeed a fine salesman and the Church is indebted to you."

Turning to Allan, "And Allan, how many Bibles did you sell for the Church
last week? "  Allan, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "You know I am a
professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church, and here's
$280 I collected."

The minister responded, "That is great, Allan. You are truly
a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."

Apprehensively, the minister turned to Big John and said, "And John, did
you manage to sell any Bibles last week?" John silently offered the minister
a large envelope.

The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?. John,
there's $3200 in here! Are you telling me that you sold 320 Bibles for the church,
door to door, in just one week?"

Big John just nodded. "That's impossible!" both Gene and Allan said in
unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as
many Bibles as we did."

"Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister! agreed. "I think you'd
better explain how you managed to accomplish this, John."

Big John shrugged. "I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for
sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered..

Impatiently, Gene interrupted. "For crying out loud, John, just tell
us what you said to whoever answered the door!"

"A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Big John replied, "W-w-w-w-wo-wo-uld
y-y-y-you l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this B-B-B-B-Bible f-f-for
t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks -----o-o-o-or------ wo-wo-would yo-yo-you j-j-j-just l-like
m-m-me t-t-to st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-re-read it t-t-t-to y-y-y-you??


Have a great week gang.

Mojo

[Mike8560]

Good ones but who's Louie?

[BigJohn]

remind me to tell the story about giving away free chip dip to sell tooth brushes.
                   Big John

[Mojo]

Dang Mike, your catching all my mistakes........last week it was Wednesday instead of Tuesday and this week it was Louie instead of Big John......:)

If I had you in the shop working next to me I would turn out excellent work because you could catch my mistakes beforehand. :)

lol.........

I did change the names to ruffle Gene, Allan and Big Johns feathers. They are all great sports.....I Think...:)

Chris

[Mike8560]

Ya I always see johns mistakes from  afar. 
It's ok tou got me last week when I said I got laid

[gene]

Yes, good one Mojo. If I may include 'The Man Song' to go along with that first bit of humor.  

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fj4vLZJhNEk

And thank you for including me in a joke about selling Bibles. I can't wait to see who you include in that joke about slaughter houses using puss sacks and carcinogenic floor scraps in hot dogs.

Pssssssss! Mr. Mojo, Mr. Mojo! I believe Allan lives in Australia. Would he know what a Bible is?

gene

[Allan]

Ah!!! Gene

You're no fun   :-*

Allan