Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

I needed a laugh today after the horrible day I had yesterday. I put a 12 inch long deep scratch in my bus after hooking my sons mailbox when departing his drive. Then I proceeded to the fuel island to get fuel and tried putting no lead gas into my diesel tank. Thankfully I caught that in time before I started pumping.

So in case anyone else needs a grin or a laugh, here ya go. I sure feel better anyways. :)

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Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it".

"This morning, the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys in side and had to break a window to get my keys".

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store, a bunch of people were waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people. All the time, the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then, I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, and the phone was still ringing".

"When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke".

"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer".

"And believe me mister, as God is my witness.......... All I did was tell her !!!"

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Indian Wanting Coffee

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun
In one hand pulling a bull buffalo with the other.
He says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp,
Turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter:

"Want coffee." The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

Training for position in United States Congress:
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull,
Leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."

[gene]

The tradition of putting an angel on top of the Christmas tree. (Can you hear Oh Tannenbaum playing in the background?)

One year everything was going wrong for Santa. Kinda like that pharmacist in that other story. The elves were all complaining, Mrs. Clause was complaining - no one was happy! All the projects were behind schedule. Their sewing machines needed repairs and Gregg referred Santa to Bobby and Bobby referred Santa to Gregg - no one wanted to make house calls to the North Pole. Santa didn't know if he would get everything done in time for Christmas. This would be the first year ever if he failed. And the toilet in the upstairs bathroom was clogged.

One of the angels thought she would help out by offering to get a Christmas tree for the Clauses' house. Yes, they had been so busy putting out fires and dealing with all the complaining that they didn't have time to get there own tree!

So, the little angel walked out to the woods and found the absolute perfect Christmas tree. She cut it down with her Husqvarna 3120 XP chain saw. She dragged the tree all the way back to Santa's house. When Santa answered the door, the little angel asked, "Santa! I got you the best Christmas tree in the entire forest! Where do you want me to put it?"

And thus began the tradition of placing a little angel on top of your Christmas tree.

Gene