Friday's past

[SteveA]

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a Long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend....and also get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up."

"Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but, being the good wife, she does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, "Yes! Lots of Walleye, some Bass, and a few Pike. But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to ?



The wife replies, " I did, they're in your tackle box ."

[kodydog]

When going fishing always check your tackle box.

[Darren Henry]

My things would be packed ,alright,---and in the yard at 4 30. And I live in Canada LOL

[SteveA]

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are great lovers, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. "I'm sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba."

[gene]

When going fishing always check your tackle box.

When going to have an affair, never take your tackle box.

[SteveA]

True Friendship Among Golfing Buddies

This guy brings his best golf buddy home, unannounced, for dinner at 6:30, after enjoying aday of golf.  His wife screams her head off while his friend sits open mouthed and listens to the tirade.
"My hair and makeup are not done, the house is a f****** mess, and the dishes aren't done. I'm completely exhausted! I didn't get enough sleep lastnight. Can't you see I'm still in my f****** pajamas??  I can't bebothered with cooking tonight! Why the f*** did you bring him home without letting me know ahead of time, you  idiot?"

"Because he's thinking of getting married..."

[SteveA]

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

[Virgs Sew n Sew]

John left early one Saturday morning to meet his best friends at the local golf course.  He kissed his wife at the door and promised to be home early.  It was well past midnight when John returned absolutely exhausted.  His wife met him at the door, worried sick (before cell phones).  "John" she said "I've been beside myself with worry!  Where have you been?"

John stretched out his aching back and said "It was terrible.  Charlie had a heart attack on the first round."

"What took you so long to get home?  Is Charlie ok?" she replied.

"I'm exhausted" he said.  "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Charlie."

Virginia

[SteveA]

This is for those of my older generation friends who do not really comprehend why Facebook exists.

Presently, I am looking to make friends outside of Facebook while applying the same principles I've successfully used on-line.
                                                                                                                                                     
Therefore, every day I go down on the street and tell the passers-by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do tomorrow night. Then I give them pictures of my family, my dog, me gardening, my spending time in my pool and of my holiday travels.

I also listen to their conversations and I tell them I love them.
                                                                                                                                                 
And it really works: new friends right away!
                                                                                                                                                 
I already have 3 people following me: 2 police officers and a psychiatrist.     

[gene]

I have not joined Facebook, yet. I would not be surprised if someday it becomes a law that you must join or be fined, kind of like Obama Care.

I do understand some of the lingo on Facebook and I think it's a great way for people to feed their narcissistic tendencies. It also seems like a great way to keep in touch with people who you would not make an effort to keep in touch with if it required any kind of effort to do so.

A guy who I've known for about 10 years is a Christian fundamentalist. He occasionally says things that I find offensive. A month or two ago he made some statements to which I replied that his statements were bigoted. Before I could say his statements were also racist, he proclaimed that I was calling him a bigot and he stomped out of my shop. He has not talked to me since. If I say "hi" he glares at me like a religious nut case. I did manage to tell him with great pride, "Hey, I 'friended' Beelzebub on Facebook". I thought he might appreciate my religious connections, even though they may be connected with the other side, but no, I only got a bigger glare.  :)

gene

[kodydog]

You see if you were fb friends you could have explained your side and he would have said, ah, I see your point, your absolutely right. And you would still be friends. Isn't facebook great?

[gene]

You see if you were fb friends you could have explained your side and he would have said, ah, I see your point, your absolutely right. And you would still be friends. Isn't facebook great?

So, Mr. Kody D. Og, you're saying that if I explain in great detail on fb, for all friends and family members to read, why this persons' comments were racist and bigoted, and why this persons' world view necessarily leads to such pathetic and divisive conclusions, then this person would say, "Ah, I see your point. You are absoutely right." ?

If only fb had this kind of magic.  :)

gene

[SteveA]

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone.'
'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'
His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, Stare at myself and repeat,

' I do not have a headache '
' I do not have a headache '
' I do not have a headache '

Well, it worked! The headaches are all gone.'
Well, that is wonderful' proclaims the husband.
His wife then says, 'You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years, why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that? '
Reluctantly, the husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, 'WOW! - that was wonderful!'
The husband says, 'Don't move! I will be right back.'
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning ' OH MY GOSH ' She proclaims.
Her husband again says, 'Don't move, I'll be right back.'
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying.
'She's not my wife '
'She's not my wife '
'She's not my wife ' .
'She's not my wife '