Friday Funny

[kodydog]

Old Farmer Johnson owned 150 acres near Micanopy Fl. One day he decided to walk over to the spring on the back 40. As he walked out the door he grabbed a 5 gal. bucket to pick some oranges from his favorite tree. When he got close to the spring he heard laughter and when he walked up he saw two young ladies skinny-dipping.

He made his presence known and they both swam to the deep end. He told them this was private property and they said they would not get out till he left.

Old farmer Johnson didn't really want to see them naked but thought he would have a little fun. He raised his bucket and said, that's all right I'm just here to feed the alligator.

[SteveA]

Husband takes the wife to her high school reunion.

After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at
a table where he is yawning and overly bored.

The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a
guy on the dance floor living it up large, break dancing, moon
walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.

Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he
proposed to me and I turned him down.

Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating".

[kodydog]

[Darren Henry]

Ed, you son of a gun. I have been trying to remember just how that joke was said since sunday so I could post it. Still funny after all these years. Thanks for sharing.

[gene]

My wife's uncle recently died. He had lived in the country in Louisiana. He had a lake on his property and for many years he would go down to the dock in the morning and slap the dock with a board. An old alligator would come up onto the shore where he would toss it a chicken or other meat.

I saw pictures of the alligator, so it must have been true. Pappa Sage lives down that way. I wonder if he has a pet alligator.

gene

[sofadoc]

Gene: Back in the late 70's, I had friend who had a relative that lived on a highway in rural Louisiana.

He had a lake on his property (more like swamp land). He would take us down to the dock, and shout "Joe....come here Joe". A huge alligator would swim over and do a few tricks on command. He would roll over in the water, and splash around a little. The man didn't have to offer any food as an incentive for the alligator to obey his commands. But I'm sure that he fed him regularly.

Someone suggested that the man could probably make a few bucks by charging admission to see the alligator "perform". So that's what the man did. He only charged $2 a head, since the "show" only lasted a few minutes. On good days, he brought in around $50.

Eventually, somebody bought his property, and turned it into a roadside attraction. They brought in some other wildlife, and made up some colorful stories about "Joe" to entertain the crowd.

[byhammerandhand]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMxnknKnE98

[byhammerandhand]

Just hear Car Talk where Click and Clack were chuckling over some procedure they called, "Bricking," though they could not explain it on the air.  I laughed because I know the story.

A guy is wanting to cross the desert and knows it will be an 8 day journey.   He goes from camel dealer to camel dealer to camel dealer asking for an 8-day camel.   Time after time, they tell him, "Camels only last 7 days in the desert."

One dealer says, "Yeah, I can get you an eight-day camel, but you'll need to brick him."

The guy buys the camel but not knowing what "brick him" meant, just heads out.  Sure enough after 7 days, the camel drops over of dehydration.   Forced to leave it for dead, he makes the the last day on foot, without his cargo.

He makes it back to the original camel dealer a while later and says, "You told me that camel would last eight days and it dropped dead after seven, just like every other camel.   I nearly died in the desert."

The dealer say, "Well, did you brick him like I told you?"

"Well, no, I wasn't sure what that meant.  What should I have done?"

"Before you depart, take it to water and let it drink as much as it can.   When it looks like it's just about done, take two bricks, one in each hand, walk around back and smash them together on his gonads.  He'll gasp, oooohhhhhhhwwwwwoooo, and suck up another day's worth of water.   That's how you brick them and get an eighth day."

"Wow," the guy says, "doesn't that really hurt?"

"No," the dealer says, "not if you keep your thumbs out of the way."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHYiyv68q2o

[gene]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tJGk4ofc18

sofad: It is amazing that alligators are able to respond like that. I would think their brains are so simple that eat, sleep, poop, and reproduce would be about the limits of their thinking.

I pulled an alligator's tale once on Sanibel Island, Fl. So I'm not saying all humans are smarter than alligators - at least not all the time.

gene