TEN THINGS THAT ALL UPHOLSTERY DIYERS MUST KNOW.

[JaneNYC]

1. If you're the kind of person who has to pick up each staple when you remove it, and throw it right into the garbage, this is not for you.

2. If you hate blood blisters, don't do this.

3. This is not the kind of project you want the cat around.  That's why most of the people on this board have dogs.

4. Make no mistake: this is WORK.  That's why there are no upholstery theme parks, and no upholstery spectator sports.

5. If you and your family live in an apartment, and you need to take over a room for your upholstery project, put the kids into foster care.

6. It's probably insane to buy a DuoFast electric stapler for one DIY project, but you will find yourself constantly trying to justify it.

7. You will curse the head of the factory man who shot all those freaking staples into your chair.  And then you will do the same thing.

8. Try as you may to avoid it, eventually, you have to tackle corners.

9. Soon, you will stop washing your hands every 5 minutes.

10. Above all, take heart: such is our lot in life as mere mortals --   
      That we are born, take our place in society, cover a few chairs, grow old, and die.

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Please add to this list. 
And quit laughing at me.

[sofadoc]

1. If you're the kind of person who has to pick up each staple when you remove it, and throw it right into the garbage, this is not for you.
I just wait till the end of the week and pick them out of my shoes.

2. If you hate blood blisters, don't do this.
I just wrap them in masking tape, and keep on truckin'.

3. This is not the kind of project you want the cat around.  That's why most of the people on this board have dogs.
Agreed.

4. Make no mistake: this is WORK.  That's why there are no upholstery theme parks, and no upholstery spectator sports.
If upholstery WERE a spectator sport, it would certainly be more interesting than NASCAR.

5. If you and your family live in an apartment, and you need to take over a room for your upholstery project, put the kids into foster care.
I would never get any work done if I worked from home.

6. It's probably insane to buy a DuoFast electric stapler for one DIY project, but you will find yourself constantly trying to justify it.
If an air gun isn't available, I'd rather just use a hand ka-chunker.

7. You will curse the head of the factory man who shot all those freaking staples into your chair.  And then you will do the same thing.
Every newbie says there are too many staples.

8. Try as you may, eventually, you have to tackle corners.
Or they tackle YOU.

9. Soon, you will stop washing your hands every 5 minutes.
I stop washing every 5 DAYS.

10. Above all, take heart: such is our lot in life as mere mortals --   
      That we are born, take our place in society, cover a few chairs, grow old, and die.
Upholsterers are anything but mere mortal.

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Please add to this list. 
And quit laughing at me.

[JaneNYC]

Innocent DIYer recovering 8 Queen Anne Dining room Chairs.

WHERE I IS AT...

I covered one chair and made myself sick over it.  The lumps, the bumps, the tucks. So, for two weeks, everytime I looked over at my workspace, my stomach knotted.  But this morning, re-read all your comments, looked at one of the Youtube vids 3 x, and threw myself back into it and...

...you guys were right.  It got better.  Not as perfect as yours, but better.  And faster, too.  I did two more chairs today.  My hands are a little raw from pulling staples.  Maybe I can get two more done tomorrow.

Honest, thanks again, everyone.

j.

[kodydog]

Life is constantly testing us. Reaching a level of commitment is its greatest reward. You must demonstrate an unwavering effort to push forward. Through blistered fingers and blood soaked rags, you must divide each difficulty into as many parts as is feasible and find the necessity to resolve it.

Love your list BTW.

[gene]

I must be doing it wrong. I have fun and enjoy my work.
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On a few occasions I have had someone try to reupholster a piece of furniture and after months of frustration they called me to finish the job. They were surprised to find out how much it costs. If it were easy to do...
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By way of analogy:

The drain in a man's house clogged up. He called a plumber. The plumber came to the house, assessed the situation, took a hammer and hit the drain pipe once. The clog disappeared. The plumber gave the homeowner a bill for $200.00.

"What?", said he homeowner. "$200.00 for hitting my drain pipe once?"

"Oh no", said the plumber. "Hitting the drain pipe once cost $5.00. It's $195.00 for knowing where to hit the drain pipe."
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Thanks for the list. Enjoyed it. I think it's the attraction of the bottom of the sewing machine drive belts to cat tails that keep cats out of our shops.
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KodyD: Here's a link to a singer who has reached a level of commitment. I think the look on his face is priceless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbzFKq1vrFY

gene

[sofadoc]

I can't tell you how many times a customer has come into my shop.......bought some fabric and foam and/or batting, and asked me for a few pointers on how to recover their D.R. seats.

A few weeks later, they bring it all back in and gladly pay me whatever I charge. Usually, they've only partially stripped ONE of them.

One guy went out and bought a $75 pair of electric scissors just to cut his fabric into 6 pieces.

A lady once called my grandmother to get an estimate on recovering her recliner. She immediately said "And I've already stripped it down.......and that seemed like the hardest part".

My grandmother said "Honey, if you think that was the hardest part, you're fixin' to learn pootin' from sneezin".

[SteveA]

David Letterman couldn't have done it any better;  but the stapler is a must - you don't even need a carry permit -

SA

[Darren Henry]

You can add "if you don't like bleeding----upholstery might not be for you" and "If working in and around 5 years of crushed  food and broken toys puts you off your lunch---upholstery repair might not be for you".

They were surprised to find out how much it costs. If it were easy to do...

I had a real good example of that this past week. I'm working on 179 chairs for a local seniors complex so had brought a local fellow on board to help out again (He's contracted for us before). Tuesday the mechanics stool he was sitting on snapped and deposited him on the floor dislocating his right shoulder. As luck would have it we had started a new guy as a floater* on Monday so I commandeered him for the rest of the week. Friday we had this weeks allotment of chairs done and had to clean up the other jobs. he had mentioned how surprised he was at how labour intensive the chairs were; after i walked him through replacing the top board on a ;love seat arm and had him help me repair that honking big green tent I re-posted the other week he looks at me like a deer in the headlights and says " I never thought this could be that much work. I could never learn all that stuff your doing! " . I didn't have the heart to tell him that this mind numbing "grunt work" would be done by the second year man in a bigger shop while we did something more complicated.

* Floater---If he were unionized it would probably be called "facilitative assistant". Cut the 10 acres of grass/ help the RV techs hang this long piece of tin siding/run into town and get a bucket of widgets/go strip some chairs in the upholstery shop etc...

[gene]

My grandmother said "Honey, if you think that was the hardest part, you're fixin' to learn pootin' from sneezin".

I once had a proctologist explain to me that we have two sphincter muscles. The inner sphincter muscle stays tight all the time except when we use the bathroom. He said it works like this so that when we sneeze we don't poop our pants.

SofaD, I think your grandmother knew what she was talking about.

gene