Friday Funny

[byhammerandhand]

THE STUTTERING KITTEN FROM THE MOUTH OF A CHILD...YOU NEVER KNOW.

A teacher is explaining biology to her 3rd grade students. She says, "Human beings are the only animals that stutter."

A little girl raises her hand. saying, "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

"Well,'' she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!"

The teacher exclaimed, "That must've been scary,"

The little girl said, "It sure was.

My kitty raised her back, went 'Sssss, Sssss, Sssss' and before she could say 'Shit,' the Rottweiler ate her!"

The teacher had to leave the room.

[Darren Henry]

OMG Keith ; that is so going out to everyone I know once I put on clean underwear.

[gene]

Oh right. A little kitty gets mauled, killed, and eaten in front of a little girl who will be traumatized and scared for life. And this is funny??? I hope that kitty gives that mean old dog a major hair ball. When the poodle that lives down the street asked the Rottweiler if that cute little kitty tasted good, the Rottweiler said, "Purrfect."


It was the first day of a new school year. The second grade teacher was welcoming all the new second graders. She told them that now that they are in second grade, they will no longer be allowed to use 'baby' talk. They need to use 'grown up' words.

The teacher asked each student to share something that they did over the summer. Johnny said he went to visit a farm and he saw moo moos and oink oinks. The teacher reminded Johnny that they were not allowed to use 'baby' talk any more. Johnny should say that he visited a farm and saw cows and pigs.

Suzie went next and she said she read a book over the summer. The teacher asked her what the name of the book was. Suzie said, "So we cannot use 'baby' talk any more, right?" "Yes", the teacher said.

Suzie said, "The book I read was called "Winnie the S h i t."

gene

[byhammerandhand]

Oh, yeah, by the guy that posted a video of a cat getting decapitated by an evil car?

Oh right. A little kitty gets mauled, killed, and eaten in front of a little girl who will be traumatized and scared for life. And this is funny???

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste)
Of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.
The children began to identify the flavors by their color:

Red......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green....................Lime
Orange...............Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them, none of the children could identify the taste.
'Well,' she said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father.'
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled,
'Oh my God!! They're a$$holes!'