Joke of the day

[BigJohn]

THE BLONDE WHO  HUNTED ALLIGATORS:


A  BLONDE  JOKE THAT YOU'VE NEVER HEARD  BEFORE


After  becoming very frustrated with the attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the young blonde  declared, 'Well,  then, maybe I'll just
go out and catch my own alligator  and get a pair of alligator shoes for free!'

The  shopkeeper replied with a sly smile, 'Well, little  lady, why don't you go give it a try?'

The  blonde headed off to the  swamp, determined to  catch an alligator. Later in the  day, the  shopkeeper was driving home, and
spotted the young woman  standing waist deep in the murky water, shotgun in  hand.

He saw a huge 9-foot gator  swimming
  rapidly  toward her. With lightning reflexes, the blond took aim, shot the creature and hauled it up onto the slippery  bank.

Nearby were 7 more dead gators all lying  belly up. The shopkeeper watched in amazement as the  blond struggled with the gator.

Then, rolling  her eyes, she screamed in   frustration......

Sono******h!! THIS ONE'S  BAREFOOT,   TOO!

[kodydog]

ROTGLMAO! Sent that one to my niece. But I shouldn't laugh. I had golden locks till my hair turned silver. Now I am much wiser. Everybody knows alligators take their shoes off before they go swimming

[byhammerandhand]

A blonde & her husband are lying in bed
listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours & hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to bed
and her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
what have you been doing?"

The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard ...
let's see how THEY like it!


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Two Blondes With Hammers...

Lisa & Judy were doing some carpenter work
on a Habitat for Humanity House.
Lisa was nailing down house siding,
would reach into her nail
pouch, pull out a nail & either toss it
over her shoulder or nail it in.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, '
Why are you throwing those nails away?'
Lisa explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch,
about half of them have the head on the wrong end
& I throw them away.'
Judy got completely upset & yelled,
'You moron! They're probably for the other side of the house!'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Did you hear about the two blondes
who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip
of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency
room doctor asked her.

'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting
off your finger?'

'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, &
then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants...

I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then?' asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00
to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought:
'This is going to make a loud noise.
So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was driving home after a game & got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it
to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he
decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the
tail pipe really hard, & all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands & knees & started
blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, & still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her & asked, 'What are you doing?' The first
blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the
tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes & said, 'Uh, like hello!
You need to roll up the windows first.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was shopping at Target &
came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up & took
it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....
It keeps hot things hot,  And cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!'
So she bought the thermos & took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that,' he asked?

'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot & cold things
cold,' she replied..

Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'

The blond replied......
'Two popsicles & some coffee.'

+++++++++++++


A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'

The blonde replies,
'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that
my mother had passed away.'

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says,
'Why don't you go home for the
day? Take the day off to relax & rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.
I need to keep my mind off it &
I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees & allows the blonde to work as usual.
A couple of hours pass & the boss decides to check on the blonde.
He looks out from his office & sees the blonde crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No!' exclaims the blonde.
'I just received a horrible call from my
sister. Her mother died, too!'

[gene]

What's with all the hostility toward blonds? Do you think that being blond is a choice? They were born that way. It's in their genes, and jeans.

LOL. Sometimes I just crack myself up. LOL

[sofadoc]

"Alligator shoes", "Closed for winter", and "Wrong side of nail" were all bits that Moe, Larry, and Curly did 70 years ago!!
Where have you guys been? ;D

BTW My favorite was the "Dog in back yard".

Around here, before they were blond jokes, they were Aggie jokes (referring to students at Texas A&M). Transplanted northerners tell me that they told them as Pollock jokes (inferring that all Polish people were dimwitted).

[SHHR]

Sofadoc, around here we call them kentuckian jokes. Like the toothbrush must've been invented in Kentucky. Anywhere else and it would've been called a teethbrush!

[gene]

So SHHR, "Who's yer" daddy? LOL Yes I'm in Ohio.

I have some really funny KY jokes but probably best not to put them on this family oriented forum.

Sofadoc: Who's Moe, Larry, and Curly?

I have read a lot over the years about regional jokes. They all tend to be the same. It's only the object of the ridicule that is different.

I've listened to a lot of British videos on youtube and they have the same thing going on with Ireland, Scotland, the different parts of England.

I saw the Irish Rovers in concert in March. They told this joke: "I have nothing against the Scottish. I have a friend who is half Irish and half Scottish. He loves to drink.............................................................He just never wants to pay for it."

What do poles do in Poland? They hole up the electric and telephone wires.

gene

[SHHR]

Yep Gene; I'm a Hoosier, AKA; who's yer, who's here, whose ear? I do have one Buckeye joke, but like you probably not the place to air it. Like it's been said though, it's all regional. Some friends I had from S.E. Ohio were always picking on the West Virginians too. Same jokes, different location.
Kyle.

[Skippy]

I was in the White Elephant Saloon on Saturday night. Had a few....
I noticed two large women by the bar.
They both had strong accents so I asked,
"Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland ?"


One of them chirped: "It's WALES you friggin' idiot!"
So, I immediately apologized and said...,
"Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland ?"


That's the last thing I remember...