Mojo's Friday Funnies

[Mojo]

The economy is so bad that...
I  got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
CEO's  are now playing miniature golf.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
I  saw a Mormon with only one wife.
I  bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
I am now mowing my own lawn. [not yet.. hee-hee]
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street ."
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
                                          And,  finally...
I  was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a  truck...

[gene]

You had me believing what you were saying until the part about Bill and Hillary sharing a room. That's when I knew it was  all a joke.



> A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign
> out of the corner of his eye....It reads:
>
> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> 10 MILES
>
> He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without
> second thought....
>
> Soon he sees another sign which reads:
>
> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> 5 MILES
>
> Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives
> past a third sign saying:
>
> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION
> NEXT RIGHT
>
> His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive On the far
> side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the
> door reading:
>
> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS
>
> He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a
> long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?'
>
> He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in
> possibly doing business....'
>
> 'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding
> passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells
> the man, 'Please knock on this door.'
>
> He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the
> door.. This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through
> the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.'
>
> He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the
> door pulling it shut behind him.
>
> The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing
> another sign:
>
> GO IN PEACE.
> YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.
> SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER.

[byhammerandhand]

Two guys are on a business trip,  traveling down a highway and they see a sign:
"College of Logic, 25 miles."   Every five miles, the see a countdown "College of Logic, 20 miles" (etc.)

By the time they get there they can't stand it any more so they stop and one of them goes in and asks the receptionist, "OK, just what is this 'College of Logic?'"

Receptionist:  "Perhaps this is best illustrated by an example.  Do you have a lawn mower?"
Guy: "Why yes, I do, I have a John Deere rider."
Receptionist: "Then I can assume you own a home?"
Guy: "Yes, a nice suburban lot."
Receptionist: "Then I can assume you are married?"
Guy: "Sure, my wife and I have been married 12 years."
Receptionist: "Then I can assume you have at least one child?"
Guy: "Wow.  I sure do, Mikey and Sarah."
Receptionist: "Well then I can assume you are heterosexual.  Are you seeing how this works?"
Guy:  "This is pretty amazing.  I think I have it now."


He goes back out to the car, gets in and his buddy says, "Well, what is this College of Logic thing?"

He says,  "Perhaps this is best illustrated by an example.  Do you have a lawn mower?"

The buddy says, "You know I have a condo.  I don't need a lawn mower!"

The guy then says, "You know, I never knew until now that you are gay."