Monday Pick Me Up

[kodydog]

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, well sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable".

"I'm a great gambler and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"

The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you $1000 I can bite my own eye."

The auditor thinks a moment and says, "It's a bet."

Grandpa then removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, "Now I'll bet you $2000 I can bite my other eye.

The auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost $3000, with Grandpa's attorney as witness. He starts to get nervous.

Grandpa says, "Want to go double or nothing? I'll bet you $6000 that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now. But he carefully calculates the odds and decides there is no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt. So he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants. And although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpas own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you okay?" The auditor asks.

"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $25,000 that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it.

Don't mess with old people.

[MinUph]

Now that brought a good laugh

[brmax]

you da man Kody dog that's a good one, Its a good time for a break.
Thanks

[SteveA]

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
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TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's..
Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.



(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher