Pfriday Pfunny

[sofadoc]

A drunk runs up to a police officer and says "Someone stole my car!".

The policeman asks "Where was it the last time you saw it?"

The drunk pulls out his keys, and says "It was right here.....on the end of this key".

The cop rolls his eyes, and says "OK, you'll have to go down to the station and fill out a report.......but first, you better zip up your fly".

The drunk looks down at his open fly, and exclaims "Oh no! They stole my girlfriend too!" 

[byhammerandhand]

Good one, Sofadoc.   


Here's another in honor of your home state:

Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Fort Worth, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his truck and trailer and fall into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he got into the car and started the engine, switched the wipers on and off....it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left. Finally, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.' 'I seriously doubt it', said the truly proud Hillbilly. 'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'

[bobbin]

I always laugh at these jokes.  Where do you hear them?  I pretty  much work at home, but I now lots of funny people and I never hear things that make me chuckle this much!

[byhammerandhand]

a few more:

"I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning seven Tour de France races while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my bike."

- Willie Nelson

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Japanese couple in an argument over ways of highly erotic sex....

Husband: Sukitaki.

Wife replies: Kowanini!

Husband says: Toka a anji rodi roumi yakoo!

Wife on her knees literally begging: Mimi nakoundinda Tinkouji!

Husband replies angrily: Na miaou kina Tim kouji!.


And you sit here reading this as if you understand Japanese! You are really unbelievable!

I always knew that anything on SEX would grab your attention!

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[sofadoc]

And you sit here reading this as if you understand Japanese! You are really unbelievable!
I always knew that anything on SEX would grab your attention!

Sex??........I thought he was making her scrub the kitchen floor.

[SteveA]

I have an excuse - 2 beers so far !  but was looking for pointers so read it three times - no help

[Darren Henry]

Sex??........I thought he was making her scrub the kitchen floor.

LOL. Your age is showing 'Doc !

Reminds me of the Scotsman who had been stranded on an island for several years, when a beautiful young scuba diver came ashore and told him she was a genie. "you've been here a long long time. Would you like drink?" and starts unzipping her wetsuit. He nods and she pulls out a pint of 20 year old single malt scotch and the have a pull. After many heartfelt thank-yous she asks if he would like something to eat other than coconuts and squid. When he replies affirmatively she opens another zipper and produces the finest piece of haigus you could imagine. After a meal of great sausage and another pull of the whiskey she opens a couple more zippers and asks " would you like to play a round?". The Scott jumps to his feet and feet and but  screams " Dunna tell ma ya've got a set of clubs in there and all?!!!"