English

[gene]

   I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone - you have to be in Cahoots with someone. I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there. I have, however, been in Sane. You have to be driven there, and I've made several trips, thanks to family, friends, and work. I'd like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not much into physical activity anymore.
   I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
   I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm. Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I get older. One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense. It really gets the adrenaline flowing and the old heart pumping.
   And sometimes I think I am in Vincible, but life shows me I'm not. I have been in Deepdoodoo frequently. And the more adventurous I get, the easier it is to end up there.

gene

PS: not original with me.

[sofadoc]

I've found that no matter what destination I set out for, I usually wind up in Consequential.
And judging from the piss in my boots, apparently I've been spending too much time in Continent.

There's another upholsterer in my town. All of our customers firmly believe that me and him travel together to Cahoots often (accompanied by the local refinisher).

While I was in Cahoots, I saw Oscar Meyer, and the Wonder Bread guy. They were laughing about their packaging of 6 hot dog buns vrs. 8 wieners.

[kodydog]

I was once in Sidious but it was too stressful and I had to leave.

[SHHR]

I was going to set up a shop in Delible, but felt I couldn't leave a lasting mark.

[byhammerandhand]

I think I was once in Flammable, at least all the signs kept saying, "Flammable."

I used to work for a company that went bankrupt.  They were in Solvent.  I think the problem was nepotism at the top levels of management.  It seems they were all in Bred.

[byhammerandhand]

A man was driving down a rural road about 50 mph and something passed him on the shoulder of the road, going so fast all he could see was a cloud of dust. The dust trail turned up a farm road. The man was curious, so he followed the dust trail and came to a farm house.

He saw the farmer on the porch and asked him what the heck passed him on the road and turned in here. The farmer said "oh, that was one of my chickens".

"How does a chicken run so fast", the man asked.

The farmer replied "When we uns eat chicken, my wife and two kids all like the drumstick, so I bred them to have 3 legs, and with the extra leg, they can all run 70 mph".

The man then asked "well, how do they taste?"

The farmer replied " I dunno, we ain't caught one yet".
-------------------

A little boy is down stairs playing with his train set while his mother is upstairs making lunch. She hears the train go around then stops and the little boy says" Any one who wants to get off this damn train, get off. Any one wanting to get on, get your @ss on." The mother is so upset with her son she sends him to his room to think about how he acted. After about an hour the mother goes to the son and says "have you thought about what you said"? The son replies, "yes Ma'am". Feeling very good about herself the mother says, "you can go back down and play, but remember be nice." Again the mother hears the train go around and stop the boy says "All you nice ladies and gentlemen who wish to exit the train please do so at this time. All you nice ladies and gentlemen who wish to board please do so know. If any of you have a problem with this, go talk to the b!7ch up stairs."

-------
NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT FOUND!

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the existence of a
new chemical element. A major research institution has recently announced
the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named *Governmentium*. Governmentium (Gv) has one
neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy
neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would
normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass
will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more
morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This
hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with
money, Governmentium becomes Administratium
- an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it
has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
----------------


Frank retired from the postal service after 40 years faithful service. He had delivered the mail each and every day without fail on the same route in a small town in Ohio. Over four decades he befriended three generations of the towns people. Everyone knew and liked Frank.

On his last day, Frank began his route with his usual good cheer. When he arrived at the first house, A man opened the door and presented Frank with a fishing rod. At the second house, a woman gave him a bowling ball.

A woman at the third house greeted Fred in a sexy nightie. She took Frank upstairs to the bedroom where they made mad passionate love. When they were done she brought him downstairs and fixed him a delicious breakfast. As Frank was leaving she slipped a dollar bill into his hand.

Frank stared at the bill for a moment and said, "The sex was wonderful. Breakfast was magnificent. But what's up with the dollar bill?" The lady of the house replied. Well, I asked my husband, Bob, what I should do for your retirement. Bob said, "Screw him! Give him a buck". Breakfast was my idea.