I miss the jokes and the spam.

[gene]

Well, maybe not the spam.

A woman snuggles up to her husband and says, "I want you to whisper dirty things to me in my ear."

The husband leans over and whispers, "Kitchen, bathroom, living room."

[gene]

I saw sofadoc's post about clean shops after I posted this joke. We both must have been thinking about cleaning this evening for some reason.

gene

[sofadoc]

A man is driving with his wife sitting on the passenger side of the car.
She notices that the car in front of them has a young couple. The woman is sitting in the middle of the seat as close to the man as possible.
The wife remarks "Remember when WE used to sit that close?"
The husband says "I haven't moved"

Sorry Gene, I'd be happy to do some non-sensical spam for you, but I don't know how to highlight the keywords in blue. :(

[scottymc]

I miss the spam too, it was the only thing I really understood when I was drunk. 

[Mike8560]

You should read more of my posts

[gene]

My wife sent me this via email:

               
West Virginia FARM KID in Marines (NOW AT San Diego MARINE CORPS RECRUIT TRAINING ) 
           
                     
               Dear Ma and Pa, 
                   
                I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.             
                               
               I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
                               
              Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water.
                               
                Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
                                 
                We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

       
                The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board.  Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

                 
                This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting.  I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

         
                Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in  Silver Lake . I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds and he's 6'8' and near 300 pounds dry.

        Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

         
        Your loving daughter,

         
        Alice

[kodydog]

Thanks for the laugh gene. Now I can go start my day. Or wait the days half over isn't it.

[Darren Henry]

I Think I went to school with Alice.

[scottymc]

You should read more of my posts

Hey Mike , you hit all the right key on that iphone, I see it was posted in the morning well before beero'clock, luckily it is morning here now so I was sober enough to read it. :D

[Darren Henry]

A young farm lad came running downstairs one morning looking for his breakfast. His Mom told him he couldn't eat until he had done chores.
she watched through the window as he walked over and kicked the cow. "stupid cow,making my late for breakfast" he said. After he had fed the cow he went to the pig pen and again kicked the first pig he reached and let out a line. The poor chickens fared no better.

When he came inside his mother handed him a bowl of dry cereal.The brat looked at it and said "Where's my bacon and eggs , and what about the milk for this cereal?"

" I saw you kick the cow-- no milk for a week. The same for the chickens and pig--no bacon or eggs until your attitude improves" said his mother.


just about then his Dad tripped over the family cat as he came down the stairs.With an outburst worthy of a longshoreman he punted the cat down the hallway.

With a grin the kid turned to his mother and asked " are you gonna tell him or can I?"

[Mojo]

Darren. Your killing me dude......:)

Chris

[Mojo]

I got this one from Bob today and am re-posting it without his permission. :) Screw the old fart if he doesn't like it. he can overcharge me on my next order to pay me back..............lol....


A round of golf with the wife.

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asked him, "What happened to you?

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. "We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one of the cows had something white in its rear end "
.
"I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of this cow's butt."

"Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!".
"I don't remember much after that."         

Chris