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Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I am entering" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how did you do?"

"First Place," said Snow White.



They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign:



"Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio says "this is mine."

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?" asked Pinocchio.

"The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine."  -- Abraham Lincoln

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-high-price-of-being-self-employed-2015-06-29?link=sfmw_fb

I'd add to this, monthly, quarterly, and annual accounting and tax filing.

"We ask prospective job applicants at our business to fill out a questionnaire. For the line 'Choose one word to summarize your strongest professional attribute.' One woman wrote, 'I'm very good at following instructions.'"

mmm, do-nuts.

http://www.foxnews.com/leisure/2015/06/05/how-to-score-free-doughnut-on-national-doughnut-day/


Go out and celebrate.   When I worked in an office, I used to have a reputation for donuts.   Not so much now that I'm self-employed.

A Texas rancher was visiting a farmer in Israel. The proud Israeli showed him around. "Here is where I grow tomatoes, cucumbers, and squash. Over there I built a play set for my kids, next to the doghouse," the farmer said.

The land was tiny, and the Texan was surprised by its small size. "Is this all your land?" he asked.

"Yes," the Israeli said proudly. "This is all mine!"

"You mean this is it? This is all of it?" the Texan said incredulously.

"Yes, yes, this is really all mine!"

"Well, son," said the Texan, "back home I'd get in my car before the sun'd come up and I'd drive and drive and drive, and when the sun set, why, I'd only be halfway across my land!"

"Oh, yes," replied the Israeli farmer wistfully, "I used to have a car like that."

Here's an interesting box http://lumberjocks.com/projects/154370   Obviously meant for some minor woodworking stuff.

Got me thinking: What's in your on-site box.

I have a large open top tool tote (Husky brand) with pockets inside and outside.   Here's what I carry in it for all sorts of on-site repair, and yes, it all fits in an 18" tool box:
- 10 oz claw hammer
- 4-in-1 rasp
- Painter's pry bar
- Nail puller / pry bar
- Magnetic and spring loaded pick up tools
- Water pump pliers (Channellock)
- Pliers-type nail/stapler puller (Extractor)
- Small pliers
- Needle nose pliers
- Couple of types of stapler pullers
- 35 piece Gearwrench Microdriver (metric & SAE sockets, Torx, Allen & Screwdriver bits)
- Pic-quik multi-tip screwdriver
- Long shank slotted screwdriver
- Flashlight, tripod
- Headset flashlight
- Tape measure
- Sets of open-end, ratcheting box wrenches in metric and imperial
- Adjustable wrench when I need second of same size
- 1/8, 1/4, 1/2, 1" wood chisels and gouge
- Shims, toothpicks, small dowels
- 3-in-1 Oil
- Screw lube / drawer lube
- Heavy duty shears
- Fabric scissors
- Awl
- Try Square, combo square, pencils, Sharpie
- Utility knife
- Nail sets and center punch
- Spring puller
- Vise Grips
- Forceps, straight & hooked
- Small bottle of glue
- Bottle of hand cleaner
- Sandpaper
- Cable ties
- Pull saw, carpenter's
- Hacksaw
- Several F-clamps and Quick-Clamps
- Mechanic's gloves
- Hearing protectors
- Paint can opener
- Electric adapter, 3 prong to 2 prong for the older parts of town
- 2 Boxes of misc hardware (screws, threaded connectors, drawer glides, bolts, nuts, washers, nail on feet, Thread lock, graphite lock lube, cold chisel)
- T-50 stapler when I don't want to pull out the compressor

In the van are a couple drawers/boxes of pneumatic fastening tools, and specialized hardware and furniture parts for beds, drawers, doors, recliners, webbing, springs, frame, electrical, and assortments of fasteners.

I have a "drill kit" that includes:
- 3/8" cordless drill with backup battery
- Assortment of twist bits
- Assortment of countersink bits
- Assortment of Phillips and Robertson driver bits
- Hinge bit ("Vix bit")
- Kreg pocket hold jig, 1 & 2 hole versions, driver
- Assortment of #8 screws
- 1.25" and 1.5" pocket hole screws
- Nut driver bits

and a fabric kit:
- Scissors
- Iron-on patches
- Button thread and button needles
- Needles, curved,  for fabric & leather seams, pins
- Spring repair clips
- Fabric Glue
- Decorative nail assortment
- Assortment of spools of thread for hand sewing
'- Assortment of colors of fabric repair fibers and glue
- Awl

I won't get into my wood touch up kit nor upholstery cleaning supplies.

I saw this the other night on Antiques Roadshow.   After I got over the shock of appraised value, I was intrigued by this chair.  Trying to find the plans, I was equally shocked for what a current copy costs.   I think I need to get out some pallets and drywall screws.


http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/roadshow/archive/201006A45.html

- Have any of you ever seen or worked on one?
- Are they at all comfortable?
- Anyone aware of dimensioned plans anywhere?

I worked on one of the "Red and Blue" chairs a la Rietveld a few years ago, but pretty sure it was a knock-off.

The little league coach called time out, walked onto the field, and pulled one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what co-operation is?  What a team is?"

"Yes, coach", replied the boy.

"Do you understand that what matters is we play well and win or lose as a team?" The boy nodded in yes.

The coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a p3cker-head, d1ckhead or @sshole. Do you understand all that?"

Again, the boy nodded yes.

"And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb @ss or sh1thead is it?"

"No, coach."

"Good," said the coach, "Now go over there and explain all that to your Grandmother!"

Lately, I've had a hard time finding a local supply of a couple of odd-ball items.  Today was 1/2" x 23 ga. micro-pins.


I found both at HomeDepot.com.   Though not stocked in the store, it was easily available via their "ship to store" option (free shipping).   Pick up was easy and quick (even gave me a bottle of water for using the service).  If the item does happen to be available at the store, the web site tells you how many at your "home store" and even which aisle to find it in.  But there are a lot of items that are not stocked in the stores, but available online only.  Not sure how they make any money on this.   My previous item was less than $4, they put in a nice box with bubble wrap and FedEx shipped to the store.  But I'm not complaining.  Beats paying $10 shipping on a $4 item.

Many places have a similar service (Ace, DoItBest, Lowe's, Menard's, Wal*mart) to name a few in case you don't have a HD handy.   But I've found their service one of the best.

Simply awe-inspiring  http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid792865957001?bckey=AQ~~,AAAAABaD_Us~,27iukNn8neTiu2V3RNN9cU_M67_q36be&bctid=4146990160001

Lost a firefighter last week while on duty rescuing people from a 5 story apartment building.  http://www.cincinnati.com/story/news/2015/04/01/daryl-gordon-funeral/70768692/  About 3500 firefighters and police in procession as well as 300 or so emergency units from all over USA.

Yesterday, had a funeral for a guy from our Sunday School class who died suddenly and unexpectedly, and Monday for another man from church who also died suddenly (he was born the same month as me).

If present company is any example, I believe it. 

http://www.pri.org/stories/2015-03-27/can-canada-teach-rest-us-be-nicer

Time to (re-)run a poll on what is your favorite tool(s).

This is one of my most-used tools doing repairs.   The handy kit contains metric and SAE sockets, SAE hex (Allen) wrenches (I added a set of metric), Torx, Phillips, slotted, and Robertson screw drivers.   Takes standard 1/4" drive so any third party drivers easily added.  Lots of torque for tight connectors.   Fast insertion and removal (especially with Allen head connectors).  Great for fitting in tight spaces where you'd otherwise need a stubby screwdriver (that are sometimes even too long).   Great for arthritic hands.

A deal for $17 at Amazon.
http://www.amazon.com/GearWrench-85035-35-MicroDriver-Set/dp/B0062FSAVI/ref=sr_1_sc_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1427470176&sr=8-1-spell&keywords=35+pc+mcrodriver

Radio chatter:

OD:   "Radio dispatcher, this is Officer Davis.   I need to speak to the Sgt."

Sgt: "Yes, officer Davis what seems to be the situation?"

OD:  "We've responded to that domestic disturbance call you sent us.  Turns out the wife shot the husband in the leg because he just walked in on the kitchen floor that she'd mopped."

Sgt:  "Do you have the situation under control?"

OD: "Yes, sir, we have the male victim being taken to the hospital by the EMS.    Not done anything with the perpetrator yet."

Sgt: "What's the problem, has she fled the scene?   Why haven't you taken her into custody?"

OD: "Well, sir, the floor is still wet."

                    COSTELLO:
                    I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Good Subject.  Terrible Times. It's 7.8%.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    That many people are out of work?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    No, that's 14.7%.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    You just said 7.8%.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    7.8% Unemployed.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    Right 7.8% out of work.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    No, that's 14.7%.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    Okay, so it's 14.7% unemployed.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    No, that's 7.8%.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 7.8% or 14.7%?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    7.8% are unemployed. 14.7% are out of work.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    If you are out of work you are unemployed.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    No, Congress said you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed.  You have to look for work to be unemployed. 

                    COSTELLO:
                    BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    No, you miss his point.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    What point?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work.   It wouldn't be fair.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    To whom?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    The unemployed.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    But ALL of them are out of work.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    No, the unemployed are actively looking for work.  Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    So if you're off the unemployment rolls that would count as less unemployment?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Absolutely it goes down. That's how they get it to 7.8%. Otherwise it would be 14.7%.  Our government doesn't want you to read about 14.7% unemployment.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    That would be tough on those running for reelection.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Absolutely!
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    Wait, I got a question for you.  That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Two ways is correct.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Correct.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Bingo.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Now you're thinking like an Economist.
                     
                    COSTELLO:
                    I don't even know what the hell I just said!
                     
                    ABBOTT:
                    Now you're thinking like Congress.

                           

                 

         

     

     

After having my 10 grandchildren in various bedding places at Christmas visits, someone suggested a triple bunk.  So here it is, all set for the next visit.  "Cabin chic" made out of SYP joist material. 

[wood and leather repair in-home]

A national company that I do work for is looking for technicians in certain markets to do wood and leather repair in-home.   You can pick which zip codes you want to cover.   They pay a fixed rate and generally I have no problem getting the work done for the hourly rate I want.   They will provide training (which I presume is in their location in Michigan), if needed or wanted.   They also do a lot of upholstery spot cleanings (most often food and "body fluids"), and occasional stitching together open seams, replacing panels of supplied material, re-setting buttons, etc.

Let me know if you are interested and I'll PM you an application.   Most critical needs are in the following areas, but if you want to throw your hat in for an already covered area, you can be added to their list.    Work orders come via internet and report back to them same way.   Paid every Friday via EFT for work done that week.



1.       UNITED STATES

·   Eastern Washington State (Tri Cities - Moses Lake - Walla Walla)

·   Western Washington State (Southern Puget Sound)

·   Northern California (Sacramento North - Oxnard -Twenty Nine Palms - Ojai - Fort Irwin)

·   Oregon State (Western I-5 Corridor - Mt. Hood - Pendleton)

·   Northern Minnesota

·   Hawaii

·   Eastern Texas

·   Northern New York (Stateline Area)

·   Iowa (Sioux City) - NE Nebraska

2.       CANADA

·   Quebec

·   Alberta (Grand Prairie)

·   New Brunswick (Beresford)

·   Newfoundland

·   Ontario (Timmons - Sudbury - Belleville)

·   Saskatchewan (Prince Albert - Saskatoon - Regina)

·   British Columbia (Other than Vancouver/Victoria)

[aglet crimping tool]

Last week, someone posted on another forum "How many tools do you have?"    Most responses went like, "More than my wife thinks."   The best, IMO, was "If you can count them, not enough."

But just when you think you have a lot of tools, here's a new one for me, an aglet crimping tool.   (Aglet is the name of that little collar on the end of a shoelace.)

http://centeringwithfiber.blogspot.com/2011/06/more-saori-woven-sandal-straps.html


See. honey, I don't have every tool ever made.