The football team was getting clobbered. The first-string quarterback was injured. The second-string quarterback was injured. Even the punter was injured. All the coach had left was their third-stringer who had yet to play a down all year. He pulled the quarterback aside. "Look son, we can't afford to let them score again. We've got to run some time off the clock. Here's what I want you to do."
"On first down, run it to the left. On second down, run it to the right. On third down run it up the middle. The, on fourth down, punt it as far as you can punt it. "OK coach!" said the quarterback.
On first down he ran it to the left for 30 yards. On second down he ran it to the right for 40 more. On third down he ran it up the middle down to the one yard line. Then, on 4th down, the quarterback dropped back and punted the ball right out of the end zone.
When he got to the sideline, the coach was screaming! "What were you thinking?!!!?!!!"
The quarterback replied, "I was thinking I must be playing for the dumbest coach in the world."
After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at "Hooter's" to see some friends and have some hot Wings and drinks.
After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators."
I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.