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A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.

"This temple is 1503 years old", replies the guide.

Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.

"Easy", replies the guide. "The archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago."

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Rhonda went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.

The owner replied, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "That's not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation.

Moments later, the woman's husband, Robert, came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, "Hi Robert."

I got an auction flyer in the mail today.  Karges Furniture is having a plant liquidation sale.  :-(  Seems like they were one of the top 5 or so furniture manufacturers at one time.

I don't think I'll be bidding on the 100 HP rouging sander.

A group of friends who went deer hunting separated into pairs for the day.

That night, one hunter returned alone, staggering under an eight-point buck.

"Where is Mike?" asked another hunter.

"He fainted a couple of miles up the trail," Mike's partner answered.

"You left him lying there alone and carried the deer back?"

"A tough call," said the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Mike."

The football team was getting clobbered. The first-string quarterback was injured. The second-string quarterback was injured. Even the punter was injured. All the coach had left was their third-stringer who had yet to play a down all year. He pulled the quarterback aside. "Look son, we can't afford to let them score again. We've got to run some time off the clock. Here's what I want you to do."

"On first down, run it to the left. On second down, run it to the right. On third down run it up the middle. The, on fourth down, punt it as far as you can punt it. "OK coach!" said the quarterback.

On first down he ran it to the left for 30 yards. On second down he ran it to the right for 40 more. On third down he ran it up the middle down to the one yard line. Then, on 4th down, the quarterback dropped back and punted the ball right out of the end zone.

When he got to the sideline, the coach was screaming! "What were you thinking?!!!?!!!"

The quarterback replied, "I was thinking I must be playing for the dumbest coach in the world."

Have any of you used Quickbooks to accumulate billable hours and expenses on a project-by-project basis?   For example, you are doing a large commercial job on a time and materials basis and you need to accumulate both as billable to a customer.

My son-in-law is starting a consulting / contracting business and needs to track and bill time as he does work.  It will be billed monthly or at the end of a project.

When I looked around, it appeared you could track expenses, mileage, and time to a customer and have it show up on a Statement (as opposed to an Invoice or Sales Receipt).

Interesting article on Quickbooks by a consulting firm:
https://www.facebook.com/sharer/sharer.php?u=http://shar.es/118qJw&t=9+Reasons+Why+QuickBooks+Still+Rules+The+Accounting+World,+Even+As+The+Cloud+Takes+Over

(hope that link via Facebook works)


I've been using Quickbooks since I started the company and like it.   Even though I've had a few accounting courses and my wife is a CPA, I find it invaluable in running the business.   I always say that it has you do double entry bookkeeping without knowing it.

I watch this local auction from time to time.    I know absolutely nothing about this machine except shipping is available and it looks like a deal if you could use it.

http://www.fasttrackauction.net/cgi-bin/mnlist.cgi?fasttrack920/1

A man was stopped by the fish and game-warden in Alberta recently. He had with him two buckets of fish. He was leaving Shaw's Point on Slave Lake, well known for its great fishing.

The fish and game warden asked the man: 'Do you have a license to catch all those fish?'

The man replied to the game warden: 'No, sir. These are my pet fish.'

'Pet fish?' the warden replied.

'Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around. After a while, I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take them back home again.'

'That's a bunch of hogwash! Fish can't do that!' was the outburst from the Warden.

The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said: 'Here, I'll show you. It really works.'

'O.K. I've GOT to see this!' The game warden was curious now.

The man poured the two buckets of fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, 'Well?'

'Well, what?' the man responded.

'When are you going to call them back?' The game warden prompted.

'Call who back?' The man asked.

'The FISH.' the warden said.

'What fish?' The man asked.

https://www.facebook.com/la963fm/photos/a.330441580326920.66558.103049983066082/676398652397876/?type=1

gosh, this is like some posts here.  Or some text messages

Proud to say, "I'm in the top 55%!!!"

... in fact, right here in town.    I had a ticket for this tour, but had to miss it due to arrival of grand-daughter Abigail out of town two days before.

http://www.popularwoodworking.com/woodworking-blogs/editors-blog/senco-nailed?et_mid=687064&rid=237196070

Hope this is not too political, but I love jokes with a good punch line:

        President Obama  goes to a primary school to talk to the kids.    After his talk he offers question time.

         

        One little boy puts up his hand, and Obama asks him his name.

         

        " Walter," responds the little boy.

         

        "And what is your question, Walter?"

         

        "I have six questions"

         

        First, "Why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of the Congress?"

         

        Second, "Why do you keep saying you fixed the economy when it's actually gotten worse?"

         

        Third, "Why did you say that Jeremiah Wright was your mentor, then said that you knew nothing about his preaching and beliefs

         

        Fourth, "Why are we lending money to Brazil to drill for oil, but America is not allowed to drill for oil?"

         

        Fifth, "Why do you continue to cover up the Benghazi scandal?"

         

        Sixth, "Why did you spy on your own U.S. citizens?"

         

        and lastly, why did the IRS target Republicans?

         

        Just then, the bell rings for recess.

         

        Obama informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

         

        When they resume Obama says, "OK, where were we?    Oh, that's right: question time..

         

        Who has a question?"

         

        Another little boy puts up his hand.    Obama points him out and asks him his name.

         

        "Steve," he responds.

         

        "And what is your question, Steve?"

         

        Actually, I have two questions.

         

        First, "Why did the recess bell ring 40 minutes early?"

         

        Second, "What the hell happened to Walter?"

What thread do you recommend for upholstery-weight microfiber / microsuede?

I'm making a hall storage bench.   Sort of like a toy box or blanket chest with a lid and storage under an upholstered seat.

The top will be upholstered and there will be a wooden frame about 2" high around three sides.   Sort of like an old-fashioned wagon seat.   I don't know that I've ever seen anything like this so I'm pondering ideas on how to do it.

My thought is to take two pieces of 1/2" plywood.  Upholster the top one like a chair slip seat.  Attach the trim frame around the edge, front trim strip in matching wood,  hinges, lid support, etc. onto the bottom one.   Then slip in the seat and attach it via screws from the bottom up.

Alternative ideas?

Wife and I are putting together a beginner's sewing kit for our six year old grand-daughter.   Today only they have a 70% sale off "notions," so we ran over after church at their door opening.

We pick out an assortment of stuff.  After some back and forth, we get checked out and my CPA wife is looking at the receipt and it's not right.    Didn't quite ring up right for her.   And of course, decoding the register tally and/or paper receipt is a puzzle. Some discounts shown by item, and some just a total discount at the bottom.    Item by item, the cashier has to call back to manager. 

The lady behind us had a similar assortment of about a dozen items.
- Scissors are not discounted because they're already on sale
- Something else not on sale, even though it's on the "notions wall" because it's not considered a notion
- Several items not discounted because they are "quilting notions" not "notions."
In all, I think she ended up buying one thing and leaving the rest.

We get back in line (my wife says "for the principle of the thing.")   Return everything, some refund in cash, some back on the credit card.   Go through our purchases (now in two groups), get discounts on some, sale prices on others, ASG discounts added in somewhere.  As a former software guy, I can just imagine their POS (that would be Point-Of-Sale, not Piece-of-$hit) software trying to sort all this out during checkout.

The cashier, God bless her, remained calm through the whole deal even though she probably knew the whole day with notions coupons would be like her first two customers with exceptions.

I told my wife that Harbor Freight always has 20-25% off coupons active.   Something can be for sale for 50% or 75% off and you still get a coupon discount off that.

This came into my inbox today.   Might be a good choice if someone's looking for a portable on-site compressor.  On clearance, so supplies limited.

http://www.fastenal.com/web/products/details/0229519?utm_source=knotice&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=email

Fastenal seems to have stores in most towns.     No association with them other than as a customer, yada, yada.

                                   The Dog Ate My Tax Receipts Act



There are few bills that come out of congress that I can support... until now. Rep. Steve Stockman (R-TX) has proposed a Bill "The Dog Ate My Tax Receipts Act." This bill will allow average Americans to use the same excuses the IRS is using currently in trying to avoid tax problems. Taxpayers that don't provide documents requested by the IRS can claim one of the following reasons:
   

    1. The dog ate my tax receipts.
    2. Convenient, unexplained, miscellaneous computer malfunction and loss of emails.
    3. Traded IRS source documents for five terrorists.
    4. Burned for warmth while lost in the Yukon.
    5. Left on table in Hillary's library.
    6. Received water damage in the trunk of Ted Kennedy's car.
    7. Forgot in gun case sold to Mexican drug lords.
    8. Forced to recycle by federal Green Czar.
    9. Was short on toilet paper while camping.

Remind me never to do work for my back-door neighbor!   We're watching all this unfold from our family room / office / sewing room / kitchen windows.l

He moved in less than a year ago from Southern California.   I think he wanted to bring it with him.   We arrived home one day to find a landscaper removing all the trees and bushes from the back edge of the property.  He didn't like vegetation.  His plan was to have an 8' tall brick wall built around his back yard (1/2 acre properties).  The city wouldn't let him.  And he wasn't sure he could afford it.  SoCal.   He did manage to convince another neighbor to let him tear down a rail fence separating their properties because it was in poor repair.

Next he had a lot of work done on the outside of the house -- cutting holes in walls for doors, re-siding the gables, etc.  Apparently, he had a lot of work done inside too as there were kitchen remodelers there for several weeks.

Then he decided he wanted a paver patio.   Took out all but one of the remaining trees and it's probably been fatally damaged.  Patio was installed by the contractor.   Then added a knee wall, then added lights, then added a walk-out area.   Then added a sidewalk next to the house, then a 10x20 pad near the front of his garage.   We affectionately call the landscapers "The Red Shirts" because they wear read T-shirt uniforms.   They are there for a few days, then we see them back on a weekly basis while he walks around with them waving his hands and needing something else done.   Either not done to his satisfaction or he's changed his mind.   They have been there at least one day every week for the last nine months.  (I only hope they are getting paid time and materials).

Then this spring, he decides he wants a "flat yard"   There is about a 1' drop in grade in 120' of his back yard.   About 30 truck loads of clay soil and rock. (this should satisfy his need for no vegetation :-)    Half a dozen trips with the excavator leveling it out and spreading more each week.   Yesterday, they start digging up his driveway for some unknown purpose.   Don't know what happened but he hovered over them all day long while 5 laborers watched one guy do some detail digging with a trowel.  He is typically hovering around whenever anyone is there doing work.   We went for an evening walk about when they left at 8 pm, he's out there with a shovel and by 8:45, the power company shows up for an outage.   Today,  an excavator is digging a trench from the back corner of his house to the back corner of his property.   Who knows why?    He told me earlier this year, his plan was to put in a 6' cedar fence all around the property.   I presume he's waiting until the yard is "flat"?

Oh, did I also mention that last summer his allergies acted up and he didn't like the cold winter, so he's thinking of going back to SoCal at least a number of months each year?

Please don't throw me into this briar patch!

(Thanks for letting me rant!)

The US is now officially saturated with chairs.   No need for more for the foreseeable future.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-confirms-no-need-to-make-new-chairs-for-the,36470/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default









(The problem with satire is, some people will take you seriously.)

Wish I could show this to all the parents glued to their smart phones while their kids play at the playground:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACZNId3EI6U


My kids call me "The Baby Whisperer" because I can cuddle and put those babies to sleep.

http://www.npr.org/2014/07/14/331356258/how-a-factory-man-fought-to-save-his-furniture-company

I will have to add that I see almost no furniture that is not made in China, VietNam, or Indonesia.

A few years ago, Stanley outsourced manufacturing to China.   It was a complete disaster.  Horrible quality.   Last I heard, they brought back a lot of it.