A husband and wife were dining at a fine restaurant one evening.
A beautiful woman walks up to the husband and kisses him and says "I'll see you later".
The wife (obviously outraged) demands to know who the woman was, and why she would kiss him.
The husband replies "Oh....that was my mistress".
The wife exclaims "That's it!!! I want a divorce!!!"
The husband says "OK.....but remember, you signed a pre-nup. If you divorce me, you lose the Chalet in France, all your jewelry, your credit cards.....everything".
As the wife is mulling this over, their friend Jim walks in with a strange woman.
She asks "Who's that woman with Jim?"
The husband replies "Oh, that's HIS mistress."
The wife says "Wow.....Jim's mistress isn't nearly as pretty as ours".
There's truth to that story -
Upon hearing thqt her elderly grandfather had just passed away Katie went straight to her grandmothers house to visit her 95 year old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had passed her grandmother replied " he had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. Horrified Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surly be asking for trouble - Oh no my dear replied granny - many years ago realizing our advanced age we figured out that the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous simply in on the ding and out on the dong. She paused to wipe away a tear and continued He'd still be alive if that darn ice cream truck hadn't come along
I'm pretty sure Rose would knock me off my chair if that ever happened to me. LOL
kodydog said: I'm pretty sure Rose would knock me off my chair if that ever happened to me.
Are you talking about the mistress or the ice cream truck?
gene
I have no chalet, etc... and Winnie knows where the keys are to my gun safe. I'd better avoid fancy restaurants.
Anybody know how to get an ice cream truck to cruise rural areas?
Quote from: gene on November 10, 2017, 07:10:00 pm
kodydog said: I'm pretty sure Rose would knock me off my chair if that ever happened to me.
Are you talking about the mistress or the ice cream truck?
gene
I was talking about the mistress. But she did knock me off my chair once when the ice cream truck went by.
Funny if you're over 55 - this is to our senior members - dare you not to read it to the end !
SA
Lost Words of the Past
Heavens to Murgatroyd! Would you believe the email spell checker did not recognize the word murgatroyd? Lost Words from our childhood: Words gone as fast as the buggy whip!
Sad really! The other day a not so elderly (I say 75) lady said something to her son about driving a Jalopy and he looked at her quizzically and said,"What the heck is a Jalopy? OMG (new) phrase! He never heard of the word jalopy!! She knew she was old but not that old.
Well, I hope you are Hunky Dory after you read this and chuckle. About a month ago, I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These phrases included:
"Don't touch that dial," "Carbon copy," "You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry."
Back in the olden days we had a lot of moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy! Gee whillikers! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley! We were in like Flynn and living the life of Riley, and even a regular guy couldn't accuse us of being a knucklehead, a nincompoop or a pill. Not for all the tea in China!
Back in the olden days, life used to be swell, but when's the last time anything was swell? Swell has gone the way of beehives, pageboys and the D.A.; of spats, knickers, fedoras, poodle skirts, saddle shoes and pedal pushers. Oh, my aching back. Kilroy was here, but he isn't anymore. We wake up from what surely has been just a short nap, and before we can say, well I'll be a monkey's uncle! or, This is a fine kettle of fish! we discover that the words we grew up with, the words that seemed omnipresent, as oxygen, have vanished with scarcely a notice from our tongues and our pens and our keyboards.
Poof, go the words of our youth, the words we've left behind. We blink, and they're gone. Where have all those phrases gone? Long gone: Pshaw, The milkman did it. Hey! It's your nickel. Don't forget to pull the chain. Knee high to a grasshopper. Well, Fiddlesticks! Going like sixty. I'll see you in the funny papers. Don't take any wooden nickels.
It turns out there are more of these lost words and expressions than Carter has liver pills. This can be disturbing stuff! We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeable times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age. We at the other end of the chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. It's one of the greatest advantages of aging.
See ya later, alligator!
An American goes into a bar in New York where there is a robot bartender. The robot Says, "What'll you have?"
The guy replies, "Vodka"
The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168"
The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.
After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.
The robot asks, "What's your drink?"
The guy answers, "Vodka."
The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man replies, "100."
The robot talks about Nascar, Budweiser, the Lions, and LSU.
The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his "experiment" that he decides to try again.
He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he want to drink.
The man replies, "Vodka."
The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"
The man answers, "50."
The robot leans in real close and asks, "So . . . are . . . you people . . . still unhappy Hillary didn't get in ?