weekend funnies

[byhammerandhand]

OK, now we'll pick on the Scots, known for having deep pockets and short arms (i.e., thrifty):

A Scotsman dies and his widow goes to the newspaper to take out an obituary.  First she asks the newspaperman what it costs.

"A dollar a word," he says.

"Oh, my, well please place the obit, 'MacGregor dies.'"

"Ma'am, there's a five-word minimum," he says.

"Ok, then, make it, 'MacGregor dies.  Honda for sale."

-----

A small town in Scotland had a single cow to provide the milk.  Getting on in years, the council finally decides to replace it.

The town is elated because they're getting much more milk than ever before.  They decide they should breed it, pass on the good genes, and sell the offspring for a profit.  So they go out and rent a bull, but every time the bull nears, the cow shows no interest and avoids the advance.

Frustrated, the town councilmen go to the local vet and ask what the problem might be.  He says, "Did you buy that cow in Glasgow?" he asks.

They are amazed, "Yes, we did, how did you know that?"

The vet says, "Oh, my wife is from Glasgow."

[gene]

 ::)

OK, now we'll pick on the Scots

The first thought to come to mind having read this was "Scott Joplin". And I have no idea why.

If I might add to the jocularity:

Speaking of cows: A guy was a sadistic necrophiliac with bestiality tendencies, until one day he realized he was just beating a dead horse.

Of all the puns I've heard in my life, the one about the kleptomaniac who broke into a bakery really takes the cake.

gene