Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems
that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to
walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked
across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Bubba's 21st birthday came 'round, he and his pal Jim Bob took a
boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat ...and
nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother.
'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the
lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him?'
Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, 'Because your
father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when
the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you dumb a$$.'
One Sunday morning, a visiting couple walked up to the preacher, and said "Pastor, we really like this church, and would like to join".
The preacher said "Well, we have a special test of faith that you must pass before you are welcomed into our flock. You MUST go a week without sex. If you can do that, come back next week, and you can join our church."
The preacher saw the couple at the grocery store on the following Saturday. He asked "Well, did you make it?"
The husband shook his head and said "No, I'm sorry, we couldn't hold out"
"My wife dropped a bucket of paint, and when I saw her bend over to pick it up, she looked SO GOOD, that I just couldn't resist".
"Well" the preacher said. " I guess you know this means you're not welcomed back in our church"
"That's nothing" replied the man. " We're not welcomed back at Home Depot either".